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The Awesome Autistic Guide For Trans Teens

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The Awesome Autistic Guide for Trans Teens

Understanding Autism and Gender Diversity

The Intersection of Autistic and Trans Identities

Being both Autistic and transgender is not as rare as you might think. Research shows that Autistic people are seven times more likely to be trans or gender-divergent than non-Autistic people. This isn’t a coincidence—it reflects something fundamental about how Autistic brains process and understand concepts like gender identity.

Autism is a neurological difference that affects how you perceive and interact with the world. It’s not a deficit or disease. Common Autistic traits include:

The outdated concept of “male” and “female” autism is inaccurate and exclusionary of trans and non-binary Autistic people. Your autism doesn’t determine your gender, but it may influence how you understand and express it.

Masking and Camouflaging

Many Autistic people engage in masking—hiding their true selves in social situations as a survival tactic. This can include:

Being both Autistic and trans may mean masking both identities simultaneously, which creates significant mental and emotional cognitive load. Finding spaces where you can be unmasked is essential for your mental health and well-being.

Understanding Gender Identity

Gender As a Spectrum

Gender diversity means there are many more than two genders. Think of it like music: saying there are only two genders is like saying there are only two types of music (rap and classical). Gender exists on a spectrum with infinite variations.

Your gender identity—how you experience your own gender internally—is innate and not something you choose. However, your gender expression—how you communicate your gender through clothing, hairstyle, behavior, and presentation—can be explored and adapted over time.

Common Gender Identities

  • Agender: Gender is not a strong part of your identity
  • Autigender: Gender identity is strongly related to or inseparable from autism
  • Genderfluid: Gender changes regularly
  • Demigender: Partially identifying with a binary gender
  • Non-binary: Not identifying as simply male or female
  • Transgender: Having a gender identity different from what was assigned at birth

Remember: bodies come in all shapes and sizes. There’s no such thing as a “man’s body” or “woman’s body”—these are social constructs, not biological facts.

Puberty and Physical Changes

Understanding Puberty

Puberty brings both physical and emotional changes:

Physical changes:

Emotional changes:

For trans youth, puberty can amplify gender dysphoria—distress from a mismatch between your gender identity and assigned sex. This dysphoria is real and can lead to anxiety or depression if untreated.

Hormones and Medical Options

Everyone has both testosterone and estrogen regardless of gender identity. These hormones influence puberty changes.

Puberty blockers can temporarily pause puberty, allowing more time for decision-making without permanent changes. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) can help some trans people align their appearance with their gender identity, typically available around age 16 in many countries.

Remember: medical interventions are optional. Social transitioning alone can be equally affirming for many people. All medical decisions require consultation with gender-specialized healthcare providers.

Pronouns and Names

Understanding Pronouns

Pronouns are identity markers, essentially secondary names. Options include:

  • Traditional pronouns: she/her, he/him, they/them
  • Neo-pronouns: xe/xem, ze/hir, and similar constructed pronouns
  • Nounself pronouns: any word used as pronouns (frog/frogself, cat/catself, etc.)

Trying pronouns with trusted people helps you determine what feels right when spoken aloud. Practice with one trusted friend at a time rather than overwhelming yourself.

Exploring New Names

Name changes don’t require legal paperwork initially. You can experiment with:

  • Nicknames or abbreviations
  • Asking friends to use different names
  • Writing your signature repeatedly
  • Using names in online spaces
  • Testing names at coffee shops where staff call out orders

This low-stakes exploration helps you find what truly resonates with your identity without pressure.

Coming Out Strategies

Preparing for Coming Out

Coming out means telling others about your gender identity and/or sexuality. For Autistic people who may struggle with social unpredictability, preparation is key:

Template conversation:

  1. Explain that you’ve been thinking about your gender
  2. State your identity clearly
  3. Explain what it means for you personally
  4. Request Support and respect
  5. Offer to answer questions

Preparation strategies:

  • Write notes beforehand for structure
  • Choose trusted people who are likely to be supportive
  • Plan what to do if conversations go poorly
  • Practice with one person before expanding

Different Reactions to Expect

Autistic and LGBTQIA+ friends often understand best, having their own experience with marginalization.

Neurotypical and cisgender friends may need more education about what being trans means but aren’t necessarily hostile.

Parents often need time to process and may cycle through confusion, grief, and eventual acceptance.

New people in your life often misgender you initially, which is usually unintentional.

Handling Challenges

Transphobia and Discrimination

Transphobia takes many forms:

Remember: transphobia is never your fault. It’s a systemic issue, not a reflection of your validity.

Response strategies:

  • “I am [identity]. This is how I feel on the inside”
  • “Many Autistic people feel similarly to me”
  • “Labels are important to me and I want them respected”
  • “Gender exists on a spectrum and I don’t identify as binary”
  • Walk away from harmful conversations when needed

Bullying and Safety

Bullying is never acceptable. Autistic trans youth face particularly high risk due to intersectional marginalization.

Safety strategies:

Mental Health and Wellbeing

Understanding Alexithymia

Many Autistic people experience alexithymia—difficulty identifying and naming emotions. This can mask poor mental health, making depression or anxiety hard to recognize until severe.

Warning signs to watch for:

Protective Factors

Engaging with passionate interests - Core Autistic strength providing comfort and grounding

Connecting with Neurodivergent and trans friends - People who truly understand your dual identity

Spending time with pets - Unconditional affection and routine

Distraction techniques - Gaming, music, reading, talking

Professional support - Mental health providers who understand both autism and gender diversity

Taking breaks from social media - When it’s harming your mental health

Crisis Support

If you’re experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, reach out immediately:

  • The Trevor Project (North America): 24/7 crisis support for LGBTQ+ youth
  • Local crisis hotlines in your area
  • Trusted adults who can help you get professional support

Building Community

Finding Your People

Families of choice become essential when biological families don’t provide support. These are chosen families of supportive people who may be other trans and/or Neurodivergent people.

Community options:

Creating Support Networks

Your support network should include people who:

Medical Decisions and Healthcare

Working With Healthcare Providers

You deserve healthcare providers who understand both gender diversity and Neurodiversity. Not all providers do, and you have the right to seek others if you feel unsupported.

Signs of good providers:

  • Use your correct name and pronouns without reminder
  • Understand autistic traits like Sensory sensitivities
  • Explain medical concepts clearly and literally
  • Respect your autonomy in decision-making
  • Don’t pathologize your autism or gender identity

Making Informed Decisions

All medical decisions about HRT, puberty blockers, or surgeries should be:

  • Made with specialized providers
  • Based on your personal goals and values
  • Informed by accurate, evidence-based information
  • Timed according to your readiness and local regulations
  • Reversible when possible for initial steps

Remember: you can always change your mind. Medical decisions aren’t permanent commitments to any particular path.

Daily Life Strategies

Managing Sensory Challenges

Sensory sensitivities can interact with gender dysphoria around clothing and appearance:

Strategies:

Executive Function Support

Many Autistic people struggle with executive function—planning, organization, and task initiation. This can make managing medical appointments, name changes, and transition steps challenging.

Support strategies:

  • Use visual schedules and reminders
  • Break large tasks into smaller, manageable steps
  • Ask trusted friends or family for help with organization
  • Use technology (apps, calendars, reminders) for tracking

Communication Strategies

Communication differences common in autism can impact coming out and advocacy:

Helpful approaches:

  • Write things down instead of speaking spontaneously
  • Use scripts for difficult conversations
  • Bring advocates to important appointments
  • Practice conversations with trusted people first
  • Use augmentative communication if helpful

Celebrating Your Identity

The Strength of Intersection

Being both Autistic and trans gives you unique perspectives and strengths:

Finding Joy in Your Identity

Ways to celebrate and enjoy your identity:

Resources and Support

Organizations

Books and Authors

Online Communities

Final Thoughts

Being both Autistic and trans is part of who you are. Neither identity needs to be “fixed” or hidden. You deserve to be fully yourself, celebrated for who you are, and supported in your journey.

Your identity is not up for debate or justification. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for who you are. Your authenticity is more important than others’ comfort.

The path forward may not always be easy, but you don’t have to walk it alone. Countless others share your experiences and understand the unique challenges and joys of being both Autistic and trans.

You are valid. You are worthy. You belong.