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The Spectrum Girl's Survival Guide How To Grow Up Siena Castellon Awesome And Autistic

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The Spectrum Girl’s Survival Guide

Overview

The Spectrum Girl’s Survival Guide: How to Grow Up Awesome and Autistic by Siena Castellon is a comprehensive, practical guide for Autistic girls navigating adolescence in a neurotypical world. The book addresses the invisible nature of autism in girls, the exhausting performance of masking, sensory sensitivities, social challenges, bullying, co-occurring conditions, and practical strategies for thriving authentically. Rather than viewing Autism as deficiency, Castellon reframes Autistic traits as genuine autistic superpowers while providing concrete, actionable Accommodations that make daily life manageable.

Understanding Autism in Girls: the Invisible Diagnosis

Late Diagnosis and Internal Struggle

Autism in girls is frequently undiagnosed or diagnosed late because girls are exceptionally skilled at masking—hiding Autistic traits through camouflage and performance to appear “normal” and socially acceptable. This invisibility creates a tragic paradox: many Autistic girls know they’re fundamentally different from peers but have no framework to understand why.

The author wasn’t diagnosed until age 12, despite always feeling like an “alien.” Her autism diagnosis—described as a six-letter word that finally made sense of everything—explained the interconnected constellation of symptoms that had seemed like separate deficits:

Many Autistic girls aren’t diagnosed until their 40s or 50s, having spent their entire lives convinced something was fundamentally wrong with them while successfully masking to convince everyone around them they were neurotypical.

Gender Differences in Autism Presentation

Critically, Autism’s manifestation in girls differs from the male stereotype. Autistic boys often display obvious behavioral markers (stimming, bluntness, social avoidance), while Autistic girls develop sophisticated Camouflaging strategies:

This performance requires elaborate, constant effort fundamentally different from the minor social compromises neurotypical people make throughout daily life.

Autistic Strengths as Superpowers

Reframing Deficits As Strengths

Neurotypical culture persistently frames Autism through deficit lens: social difficulties, Sensory problems, rigidity, difficulty with change. This framing is neurotypical bias, not objective truth. Autistic brains are wired differently—not defectively—optimized for different cognitive strengths than neurotypical brains.

Neurotypical brains are optimized for socialization and reading social nuance. Autistic brains are optimized for:

These are complementary strengths, not inferior ones. The traits society labels as deficits are inextricably linked to genuine Autistic superpowers:

Historical and Contemporary Examples

Historical figures including Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, and Isaac Newton are believed to have been Autistic. Contemporary Autistic activists like Greta Thunberg demonstrate how Autistic special interests—when pursued authentically—drive meaningful societal change. Autistic people were never meant to fit in; they were meant to stand out.

The Spectrum Isn’t Linear: Rejecting “functioning Labels”

Harm of Functioning Labels

The language of “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” Autism is inaccurate, harmful, and misleading. Functioning levels fluctuate dramatically based on situation, stress level, fatigue, and environmental accommodation. The author describes appearing “low-functioning” on bad days when stressed or bullied, while appearing “high-functioning” on good days—yet she’s the same person with the same Autistic brain.

These labels oversimplify a complex Neurological condition into a false binary that:

  • Obscures individual variation
  • Hides real Support needs in “high-functioning” individuals
  • Dismisses abilities in “low-functioning” individuals

More insidiously, labeling someone as “low-functioning” lowers others’ expectations, preventing growth and achievement. The author cites Temple Grandin—once considered unteachable, now a university graduate and world-famous professor. “Low-functioning” individuals may be nonspeaking but are not less intelligent; many use AAC and have rich inner lives and thoughts.

The Masking Trap: Performance and Identity Loss

The Exhaustion of Constant Performance

Masking—hiding Autism to appear “normal” and socially acceptable—is the defining experience of many Autistic girls. Unlike small social compromises neurotypical people make, Autistic masking requires constant, elaborate effort that causes physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.

The author spent years:

  • Observing and copying peers’ behavior
  • Forcing eye contact
  • Studying girls she wanted to befriend
  • Pretending to like One Direction (a band she had no genuine interest in)
  • Keeping intense interests secret
  • Memorizing conversation scripts
  • Constructing multiple personalities for different social contexts

Consequences of Sustained Masking

The result was shallow friendships built entirely on deception where the real her was never revealed or known. Masking backfires in subtle ways: attempts at literal imitation (repeating jokes exactly, copying clothing precisely) come across as uncanny or creepy rather than connecting.

More significantly, many Autistic girls behave like completely different people at school versus home. They appear as model students at school—compliant, quiet, perfect—while suppressing all Autistic traits. They then arrive home and have devastating meltdowns from accumulated tension and anxiety. Parents may be profoundly confused by this personality split, not understanding that home is the only safe place to be themselves.

The damage from sustained masking is profound:

  • Loss of identity—the author became whoever she spent most time around, picking up their accents and mannerisms, becoming a human chameleon unable to distinguish the real her from the many characters she played
  • Damaged self-esteem and sense of self-worth, implying something is fundamentally wrong with her and that she isn’t safe being herself
  • Social Burnout—the combination of effort required and identity loss affecting mental health, leading to severe anxiety and depression

Sensory Sensitivities: Real, Disabling, and Requiring Practical Accommodation

The Nature of Sensory Processing Differences

For Autistic people, Sensory sensitivities are not drama, exaggeration, or something to “toughen up” about. Autistic people cannot filter Sensory information—sounds, lights, smells, textures, and touch hit the nervous system with unfiltered intensity. Sensory overload is physically painful and distressing, causing actual discomfort and dysfunction, not behavioral misbehavior.

The author provides visceral description of what leaving the house means for an Autistic girl:

  • Assault of car noise, motorcycle sounds, construction work
  • Subway crowds with overwhelming mixed smells (perfumes, coffee, deodorant)
  • People brushing against her causing throbbing pain across her entire body
  • Toxic fumes and rotting trash smell
  • Blurring vision
  • Heavy school bag
  • Racing heart and churning stomach before school even begins

At school, she must simultaneously engage in conversation while deciding which social script to use, forcing eye contact, mirroring Body language, varying Facial expressions, timing when to speak, worrying if she appears forced or awkward—all while her vision blurs, heart races, and she feels lightheaded.

Sound Sensitivity

Sound sensitivity is particularly distressing. The author dislikes:

  • Footsteps
  • Electrical hum
  • Whistling
  • Door slamming
  • Running water
  • Extractor fans
  • Zippers
  • Foot tapping
  • Slurping
  • Specific word sounds (“queue,” “conundrum”)
  • Knuckle cracking
  • Clocks ticking
  • Heartbeats
  • Metal clashing

She struggles filtering background noise in crowds (restaurants, schools, buses), hearing multiple conversations simultaneously as overwhelming cacophony. Most Autistic people discover that listening to music is their greatest weapon—it blocks distressing environmental noise while providing distraction from discomfort and Sensory pain. Noise-cancelling headsets filter the sounds triggering overload. Planning ahead for loud venues (going to theme parks on rainy days when quieter, requesting quiet seating areas at restaurants) prevents Sensory crisis.

Light Sensitivity

Light sensitivity is often overlooked but significantly disabling. Fluorescent lighting—ubiquitous in schools—flickers and hums at frequencies most people can’t detect, but that cause Autistic people:

  • Nausea
  • Headaches
  • Dizziness
  • Visual distress

Irlen glasses with colored lenses filter out the problematic wavelengths, and many people report dramatic symptom relief—the author uses them specifically for school fluorescent lighting. Polarized sunglasses and prescription sunglasses help outdoor light sensitivity.

Smell Sensitivity

Smell sensitivity creates acute aversion to some smells while enabling enjoyment of others. The author dislikes:

  • Gasoline
  • Sharpies
  • Glue
  • Coca-Cola
  • Sauerkraut
  • Tuna
  • Certain breath smells
  • Artificial strawberry
  • Cleaning products
  • Taxi smell

She enjoys:

  • Books
  • Cut grass
  • Wet paint
  • Burning wood

Aromatherapy oils and roll-ons can block unpleasant smells or provide preferred Sensory input. Essential consideration: perfumed hygiene and cleaning products common in schools are triggers for many Autistic students.

Touch Sensitivity

Touch sensitivity varies dramatically. The author is over-sensitive (her sister is under-sensitive and barely feels cold or pain). Over-sensitive touch creates:

  • Aversion to being touched
  • Painful handshakes
  • Hair touching skin feeling like glass shards

Many Autistic girls cannot wear hair down due to this sensation. Touch-sensitive girls struggle with:

  • Clothing tags
  • Seams
  • Wool
  • Synthetic materials
  • Lace
  • Elastics

A traumatic nursery school incident with PVA glue left lasting distress about texture. Solutions exist:

  • Buying natural, breathable fabrics (100% organic cotton)
  • Washing clothes many times with unscented non-bio detergent before wearing to soften them
  • Removing tags

This isn’t fussiness; it’s genuine physical pain accommodation.

Texture and Taste Sensitivity

Texture and taste sensitivity makes many Autistic children picky eaters. The author dislikes:

  • Slimy foods (cooked tomatoes, cucumbers, canned fruit, okra)
  • Foam
  • Powdered sugar

As long as eating a balanced diet, restrictive eating accommodates legitimate Sensory sensitivities. Importantly, Autistic people commonly have gastrointestinal problems; avoiding certain foods may reflect actual food intolerance. The author discovered that avoiding dairy significantly reduced her stomach problems—a practical accommodation, not picky eating.

Sight Sensitivity and Visual Thinking

Sight sensitivity for visual thinkers involves recalling vivid mental images. This has benefits (recalling happy images to lift mood—family holidays, puppies, pandas, nature, her dog’s funny sleeping face) and significant drawbacks. Negative images haunt you. The author avoids horror movies and gory crime dramas because even brief trailer exposure implants disturbing images that pop into her head at unexpected times—intrusive, distressing, difficult to remove.

Practical Sensory Survival Kit

Build a personalized sensory survival kit adapted for different situations:

  • Audio: Headset for music listening (her greatest weapon against Sensory overload)
  • Scent: Roll-on aromatherapy oils (lavender for calm, ginger for nausea)
  • Tactile comfort: Tiger Balm for pain from accidental touch, hair bands for fidgeting, stress ball or putty
  • Texture management: Pocket tissues to create seat cushions on uncomfortable chairs, wet wipes for sticky residue
  • Other essentials: Menthol lip balm, heartburn medication, snacks

Adapt contents based on where you’re going. Keep at school, home, and in backpack.

Creating a Sensory Haven

Transform bedroom into calming sanctuary:

  • Paint walls calming colors (the author chose grayish-blue)
  • Keep space organized or messy based on your preference (both can be calming)
  • Create positive associations: open new purchases there, play music, spend enjoyable time
  • Bring pet in if possible
  • Use weighted blanket for sleep comfort
  • Keep blackout curtains or dim lighting
  • Minimize clutter that triggers anxiety

The Social Battery and Social Exhaustion

Limited Social Energy

Autistic people have limited social energy—the “social battery” concept. When fully charged, you’re at your social best. As it drains, social skills deteriorate until unable to interact effectively. Social interaction is physically and emotionally exhausting; recovery requires extended alone time to recharge. This isn’t antisocial; it’s biological necessity fundamentally different from neurotypical experience where social interaction energizes.

The author rations social battery throughout the school day, constantly balancing socializing with safeguarding energy. When rationing fails (unexpected schedule changes, group conversations, mandatory after-school clubs), social battery reaches critical levels and anxiety skyrockets.

Symptoms of Depleted Social Battery

When drained, ability to function deteriorates drastically:

  • Clumsiness increases
  • Touch tolerance decreases
  • Rigidity increases
  • Change tolerance decreases
  • Sensory sensitivity multiplies
  • Things normally manageable become huge challenges

Prevention and Recovery Strategies

Prevention strategies include:

  • Essential alone time—the author needs at least one hour in her room after school
  • Safe sanctuary during school breaks/lunch—library, empty classroom
  • Spending time with pets—her dog Rico immediately lowers anxiety without judgment or pretending
  • Listening to music—her biggest anxiety weapon—focusing on lyrics and visualizing music videos lets her escape and shut out distressing Sensory input
  • Immersing in special interests—which distract from worries and provide identity beyond school
  • Engaging in stimming—self-stimulating Repetitive behaviors like hand flapping or rocking that neurotypicals discourage but that calm and alleviate high anxiety—Autistic meditation
  • Exercising—the author discovered exercise reduces anxiety, clears thoughts, increases energy, improves sleep quality
  • Maintaining healthy diet
  • Prioritizing sleep
  • Practicing positive attitude

Alexithymia: Difficulty Identifying and Expressing Emotions

Understanding Alexithymia

Many Autistic people struggle identifying and expressing emotions—a condition called alexithymia (“no words for emotions”). The author struggles identifying anything beyond big emotions (good/bad, happy/sad); subtle emotions (envy versus jealousy) are murky and difficult to distinguish. She identifies emotions through music—unconsciously choosing specific songs linked to particular emotions, creating patterns revealing emotional associations. Music becomes emotional interpreter and outlet.

Emotional Expression Challenges

Expressing emotions is similarly unnatural. Facial expressions and Body language rarely match internal feelings. Sometimes huge disconnect exists: feeling ecstatic inside but face shows indifference or boredom. Emotions and body feel detached, causing misunderstandings when people constantly ask if she’s sad/upset/bored.

This was particularly devastating during her sister’s serious scooter accident when the author remained calm and collected while her sister screamed and mom panicked. She was later accused of being callous and uncaring—not true; she simply responds differently emotionally.

Time Delay in Emotional Processing

Time delay in processing emotions compounds the problem. Sometimes hours or days pass before understanding feelings, especially after intense emotional experiences like bullying. During bullying investigations, bullies fake tears and remorse while the author appears cold and unemotional, making school staff mistrustful despite her actual distress and trauma.

Communication Strategies for Alexithymia

If alexithymic and accused of inappropriate emotional response:

  • Explain not everyone shows emotions the same way
  • Reassure them you were concerned
  • Explain you need longer to respond emotionally

If struggling with face-to-face emotional communication, express yourself in writing or email—written communication allows time for reflection and typically results in more eloquent, expressive articulation than real-time verbal conversation.

Four-step Emotional Regulation Technique

(1) Name the feeling by identifying the specific emotion and its trigger—this creates a sense of control and improves emotional recognition over time

(2) Accept the feeling by giving yourself permission to feel whatever emotion arises without judgment—there’s no “right” way to feel

(3) Express the feeling through healthy outlets like journaling, drawing, walking, physical movement, or talking—avoid self-harm

(4) Practice self-love through engaging in enjoyable activities (music, cooking, warm baths, spending time with pets) that soothe and restore you

Puberty, Periods, and Personal Hygiene

Good Hygiene Essentials

Good hygiene is essential—an expected social norm affecting future relationships and employment. However, Autistic girls’ Sensory sensitivities make grooming challenging. During puberty, bodies smell differently, especially armpits. Daily showers/baths are necessary; use unscented soap if sensitive. For water-sensitive girls, quick showers or baths suffice; on bad Sensory days, use body wipes (sold for camping/festivals).

Shower management tips:

  • Use waterproof speakers and time-tracking playlists (10-minute or 15-minute songs) to manage shower time and blocks disturbing water noise

Hair Care

Wash every 2-3 days unless greasy. Use gentle shampoo that doesn’t sting eyes (Johnson’s No More Tears). Use a pump bottle to measure consistent shampoo amounts. Replace rough towels with soft bamboo towels.

Skincare During Puberty

Skin produces more oil, clogging pores and causing pimples. Wash face morning and night with gentle cleanser. Avoid products with microbeads (environmental and Sensory reasons). Use natural, unscented, organic products; avoid alcohol-containing products (harsh, over-drying, unpleasant smell). The author uses Lush’s 9 to 5 cleanser. For mild breakouts, try acne products with benzoyl peroxide or natural alternatives like Thayers Alcohol-Free Rose Petal Witch Hazel with Aloe Vera.

Dental Care

Brushing teeth can be Sensory nightmare. Experiment with different toothbrush types (electric vs. Manual, different bristle strengths and shapes). Soft, rounded bristles preferred; Curaprox CS5460 Ultra Soft Toothbrush has ultra-fine polyester filament bristles gentler than nylon. Try gentler toothpaste alternatives—charcoal or fruit-flavored (e.g., Colgate Natural Extracts charcoal and fresh lemon) have milder taste than peppermint/spearmint.

Visiting the Dentist

Bright lights, strong smells, loud drill sounds are especially distressing for Autistic girls. Mouths are extremely sensitive; latex-gloved hands and cold metal instruments are uncomfortable.

Dental visit strategies:

  • Wear dark sunglasses
  • Wear headset to block dental equipment sounds with soothing music
  • Ask dentist to lean chair back before getting in
  • If available, wear X-ray vest for weight/grounding effect
  • Critical tip: Ask dentist to explain everything beforehand so you know what to expect and feel more in control

Periods and Menstruation

Periods are messy, unpredictable, and often painful for Autistic girls. A period is the menstrual period—blood flowing from the vagina for typically 5 days (range 4-6 days), approximately 4-6 tablespoons of blood. When first starting, periods are irregular; they eventually become regular. Three product types exist; experimentation is needed to find what works for your Sensory needs and preferences.

Pads

Convenient and easy to use, come in various shapes/sizes with sticky strips and optional “wings.” Made of absorbent material soaking up blood. Autistic girls may find pads uncomfortable due to Sensory sensitivities.

Solutions:

  • Try different brands, sizes, thicknesses, shapes
  • Change pads regularly
  • Dispose properly (wrap and put in wastebasket, never flush)
  • Alternative: washable, reusable pads made from natural fibers (cotton, bamboo), better for Sensory issues and environment, less expensive long-term, available on Amazon

Tampons

Cotton plug inserted into vagina to absorb blood before leaving body. Most come with applicators. String hangs out for removal. Come in different sizes/absorbencies.

Benefits:

  • Can pee without removing (pee comes from different opening)
  • Can swim during period

Critical safety note: Change tampons regularly; never leave in longer than 8 hours (risk of toxic shock syndrome, a serious infection).

Menstrual Cups

Inserted into vagina; holds blood until emptied.

Product Recommendations

  • Use unscented products; deodorant versions have perfumes/chemicals causing irritation and allergic reactions
  • Change pads regularly to manage odor
  • Keep cute bag with period products in backpack or locker

For girls who avoid public/school toilets:

  • Wear super-absorbent night pads
  • Try period-proof underwear (Thinx USA, Modibodi UK) with different absorbencies/styles (bikini, thong, boy short, brief)
  • Thinx offers organic cotton
  • Wear black or dark clothing; avoid white

Period Tracking Apps

Most Autistic individuals struggle tracking time and like structure/routines. Periods are unpredictable, upsetting for Autistic girls. Clue app (recommended) tracks periods and sends notifications, preventing surprise. Multiple similar apps exist to experiment with.

Pms Management

PMS involves physical symptoms and emotional symptoms:

Physical symptoms:

  • Headaches
  • Joint/muscle aches
  • Backaches
  • Breast tenderness
  • Insomnia
  • Constipation or diarrhea
  • Stomach cramps

Emotional symptoms:

  • Difficulty controlling emotions
  • Magnified anxiety
  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Crankiness
  • Tiredness
  • Upset
  • Trouble concentrating

For Autistic girls, Sensory sensitivities skyrocket during PMS, significantly exacerbating symptoms.

Management strategies:

  • Get plenty of sleep and rest
  • Use lavender-scented microwavable wheat bag on stomach for cramps
  • Drink warm chamomile tea (caffeine-free)
  • Take painkillers/anti-inflammatory medication (ibuprofen, paracetamol) for headaches/joint/muscle pain
  • Consider PMS-specific medication (Feminax UK, Pamprin/Midol USA)
  • Understanding why symptoms occur and how long they last helps feel more in control

Bra Fitting

Measuring for correct fit:

  • Measure rib cage below breasts in inches
  • If even number, ADD 4 for band size (e.g., 30” = size 34)
  • If odd, ADD 5 (e.g., 31” = size 36)
  • Measure loosely around fullest chest part and subtract band size
  • Difference in inches equals cup size (1”=A, 2”=B, 3”=C, 4”=D, 5”=DD)

Bra selection tips:

  • Soft-cup bras offer maximum comfort and flexibility
  • Sports bras provide more Support and comfort
  • Underwired bras provide structure but can dig in when slouching—avoid if this triggers Sensory distress
  • Prioritize pure cotton over synthetic
  • Choose front or back fasteners based on motor coordination comfort
  • Buy plain skin-tone bras for light-colored tops so straps don’t show
  • Adjust hook-and-loop fastenings and shoulder straps for personalized fit
  • Remove before bed

Shaving

Dark coarse leg and underarm hair may appear during puberty. Shaving prevents teasing.

Tips to avoid nicks and razor burn:

  • Shave in warm shower (hydrates skin)
  • Apply generous lubricant (shaving cream, shower gel, bar soap, or baby oil—avoid dry shaving)
  • Shave in direction of hair growth (downward on legs)
  • Don’t rush—let razor do the work
  • Don’t forget backs of legs
  • Change razors frequently (dull blades irritate skin and cause rashes)
  • Use quality razors with conditioning strips and pivoting heads
  • Be especially cautious around knees and ankles

Avoid:

  • Waxing (Sensory nightmare: hot sticky wax, painful ripping)
  • Depilatories (cause skin irritation, smell terrible)

Disclosure: to Tell or Not to Tell

Benefits of Disclosing

  • Easier access to Support and Accommodations
  • Freedom to be yourself without exhausting pretense
  • Others understand your different reactions and behaviors
  • Educational value that changes neurotypical perceptions of Autism
  • School staff can provide targeted Support matching your needs

Drawbacks of Disclosing

  • People may treat you differently or avoid you
  • Misconceptions and stereotypes remain common
  • Girls specifically face disbelief (“you don’t look Autistic”—a frequent, dismissive response)
  • Risk of bullying increases
  • Employers may discriminate
  • Confidentiality may be breached without consent

Strategic Disclosure Decisions

The author is generally open about her Autism but has experienced rejection and avoidance when disclosing. When disclosing to family, consider whether they’ll be open-minded and accepting or try to “cure” you—some families treat Autism as shameful secret requiring secrecy.

The author recommends telling your school because it helps teachers understand your needs (e.g., Sensory sensitivities to uniform scratching rather than interpreting discomfort as deliberate disobedience). Telling classmates is riskier—they may become more understanding or may use Autism as ammunition for bullying. If you believe disclosure will make school harder, don’t tell them.

Practical Strategies & Techniques

Executive Functioning Support Strategies

Executive functioning (planning, time management, memory, multi-step problem solving, organization, homework management, test studying) is major challenge for Autistic people.

Practical solutions:

  • Color coding: Assign different colors to subjects. Sticker corresponding colors on textbooks and folders. Write quantity needed next to subject on timetable (e.g., “2” for English means bring 2 items)
  • Use checklists: List items needed daily. Check before leaving home/school. Apps work too
  • Break tasks into sub-tasks: Art project broken into: decide project, list materials, gather materials, schedule time/place, begin work. Reduces overwhelm and procrastination
  • Get duplicates: Keep textbook sets at home and school (buy used on Amazon). Makes backpacks lighter
  • Get into routine: Do homework at set times. Develops self-discipline and reduces procrastination
  • Learn to prioritize: Identify due dates and time requirements. Use homework planner apps or ask teachers for help. Balance studying across subjects rather than only focusing on favorites
  • Find right work environment: Study in quiet, distraction-free spaces. Put phone away. Turn off TV. Declutter desk. Create calm environment

Bullying Response: Ten Evidence-Based Strategies

(1) Ignore/use visualization: Use “protective bubble” visualization to deflect words; removes bully’s reward

(2) Tell bully to stop: Use assertive, confident voice when comfortable

(3) Report to trusted adults: Never suffer in silence—reporting prevents escalation and holds bullies accountable

(4) Avoid bullying hot spots: Seek safe spaces (library, nurse’s office, designated quiet rooms)

(5) Recognize it’s not your fault: Bullying is never the target’s responsibility; recognize bully chooses harmful behavior

(6) Find inspiring role models: Celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence, Taylor Swift, Rihanna were bullied and overcame it

(7) Focus on hobbies outside school: Build identity and resilience through enjoyable activities

(8) Lean on anti-bullying charities: Access websites, helplines, Support resources

(9) Consider school change: If institutional culture enables bullying, changing schools is valid self-care

(10) Report hate crimes to police: If targeted because of Autism (disability hate crime), report to authorities

Assertive Body Language Reduces Bullying

Most communication is non-verbal. Autistic girls often appear vulnerable (looking down, darting nervously). Bullies target perceived weakness; projecting confidence deters escalation.

Practice:

  • Keep back straight
  • Hold head high
  • Walk with purpose
  • Relax shoulders
  • Unfold arms
  • Hold eye contact (look at forehead/between eyes if direct gaze is painful)
  • Use assertive voice

Exercises:

  • Role-play scenarios with trusted adults
  • Mirror work
  • Practice eye contact techniques

Friendship Building Through Shared Interests

Be authentically yourself: Trying to mask exhausts you and people sense the pretense. Find friends with shared interests rather than forcing connections.

Conversation starters:

  • “What are you doing this weekend?”
  • “Seen any good movies?”
  • “Do you have a pet?”
  • “What music are you listening to?”

People enjoy talking about themselves.

Finding like-minded friends: Join school clubs around shared interests (math club, archaeology club, choir). If no club exists, start one. School clubs provide natural conversation scaffolding around shared passion rather than social small talk. Out-of-school clubs expand options further. Once you find peers with shared interests, friendships develop more naturally.

Conversation discipline: Show genuine interest in others’ topics, not just your own special interest. You may discover you enjoy subjects you wouldn’t have explored independently—the author learned about Marvel comic backstories through a friend. Be open-minded about topics beyond your interests.

Edit what you say aloud: Never comment on someone’s appearance negatively (“I hate your haircut”), physical characteristics (“you smell bad”), or anything you wouldn’t want said about you. Keep silent rather than be brutally honest in ways that hurt feelings.

Being a good friend: Treat others as you’d want treated. Put yourself in their shoes emotionally. Friendships require two-way effort; everyone makes mistakes. Learn from yours. If you have behavioral patterns that upset friends (interrupting, talking too loudly, saying hurtful things unintentionally), be open and honest: “I sometimes interrupt when excited—can you let me know if I do this?” Friends are more understanding when they know you’re actively working on it.

Recognize toxic friendships through warning signs:

  • Regularly put you down
  • Demand praise without reciprocating
  • Behave differently around others
  • Make you guilty for other friendships
  • Betray confidences
  • Control conversations/decisions

The author realized being alone was better than being miserable in toxic friendships.

School Accommodation Requests

Request targeted Accommodations addressing specific challenges:

  • Time-out card: Permission to leave class when overwhelmed and go somewhere quiet (hallway, counselor’s office, library)
  • Early dismissal: Leave lessons 5 minutes early when hallways are quiet to avoid crowding Sensory assault
  • Schedule advance notice: Teachers inform you of schedule changes several days ahead (reduce anxiety about unexpected changes)
  • Safe sanctuary during breaks: Designated quiet location (library, empty classroom) for unstructured break times
  • Sensory Accommodations: Assigned seating away from doors/windows, permission to fidget discreetly (stress ball, putty), movement breaks
  • Modified social expectations: Separate from loud group activities; work with known adults instead of peer groups when anxiety is high
  • Testing Accommodations: Separate quiet testing environment, extended time (if needed), permission to use laptop/AAC device
  • Uniform modifications: Replace uncomfortable materials with Sensory-friendly alternatives
  • Bathroom access: Nurse’s pass allowing bathroom use without interrupting lessons (particularly important for PMS/period management and GI issues)
  • PE Accommodations: Modified activities matching abilities, option to sit out when overwhelmed, changing in private location

Digital Safety and Online Protection

Autistic girls are uniquely vulnerable online due to difficulty reading deception, trusting nature, and communication differences.

Essential safety rules:

(1) Protect identity: Check privacy settings; remain anonymous; never share full name, addresses, phone numbers, passwords, credit card numbers, photographs, current location, identifying info about family/friends. Red flag: anyone requesting this info likely has bad intentions.

(2) Use gender-neutral screen name: Create screen names without gender indicators; use different nicknames for messaging/video apps allowing anonymous exit if uncomfortable.

(3) Never share passwords: Friendships change; the author shared passwords with someone she trusted who turned out to be a bully—he accessed her iCloud, circulated unflattering photos, sent fraudulent emails from her account. Use strong passwords combining letters/numbers without identifiable info.

(4) Be nice online: Treat people as you’d like to be treated; rude/hateful behavior increases risk of bullying/harassment. Don’t retaliate to mean behavior; talk to trusted adults.

(5) Think before posting: Check your mood—avoid posting when angry/upset; make poor decisions when emotional.

(6) Don’t post anything inappropriate: Never post nudity, intimate behavior, illegal activity, racism, or anything grandmother wouldn’t see. One image can stay on internet forever; anything sent can be copied and forwarded immediately.

(7) Remember the internet is forever: Screenshots defeat “disappearing” apps like Snapchat; circulated photos cause lasting damage.

(8) Don’t respond to mean messages: Responding encourages perpetrators and makes situations worse; show upsetting messages to parents/trusted adults.

(9) Don’t meet online friends in real life: Unknown online friends may be adults pretending to be teens or people with bad intentions; if meeting, discuss with parents, take a chaperone, meet in public, ideally with both sets of parents present.

(10) NEVER sext: Sexting is illegal (creating/sharing/possessing indecent images of minors under 18 is child pornography, even if sender is also a minor). Risks include: criminal charges (teens have been labeled sex offenders for sending their own nude photos), sexual bullying/“slut shaming,” vulnerability to predators, permanent circulation (Snapchat images can be screenshot; images persist indefinitely), reputation destruction affecting university/employment.

Co-Occurring Conditions and Common Accompanying Challenges

ADHD

Many Autistic girls also have ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), though Diagnosis is often delayed. The author wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until age 15 despite struggling to focus for years; once diagnosed and medicated, her study efficiency improved dramatically.

Dyslexia

Dyslexia doesn’t indicate low intelligence (35% of U.S. Entrepreneurs are dyslexic). Reading Accommodations and specialized educational approaches Support dyslexic Autistic students.

Dyspraxia

Dyspraxia (developmental coordination disorder) affects motor skills and coordination. Accommodations like switching to laptop instead of handwriting can significantly reduce pain and increase output.

Hypermobility

Many Autistic people have joint hypermobility and connective tissue issues causing pain and coordination problems. Physical Therapy and appropriate exercise help manage symptoms.

Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety disorders and depression are extremely common co-occurring conditions. Professional Support, medication when needed, and environmental Accommodations are essential for mental health management.

Mental Health and Crisis Support

When to Seek Immediate Help

If experiencing suicidal thoughts, severe anxiety, self-harm urges, or severe depression: Tell a trusted adult immediately. These conditions are not shameful and require professional Support.

Resources include:

  • Crisis lines: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US: 988), Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741), Samaritans (UK: 116 123)
  • Emergency services: Call emergency if in immediate danger
  • School counselor or nurse: Immediate Support available
  • Parent or trusted family member: Tell them about your thoughts

Recovery is possible with proper Support. Most people who’ve felt suicidal recover and live fulfilling lives.

Self-Harm Alternatives

If struggling with self-harm urges, try these alternatives:

  • Journaling or writing down feelings
  • Drawing or creative expression
  • Walking or physical movement
  • Talking to trusted adults
  • Holding ice cubes (creates sensation without damage)
  • Snapping rubber bands on wrist

Building Resilience

Resilience is the ability to recover from setbacks. When facing disappointment or setback:

  • Remind yourself current feelings are temporary
  • Sadness/anger will pass
  • This experience strengthens you
  • You’ll be proud of persisting
  • You’re not alone
  • Asking for help is strength, not weakness
  • Happiness and amazing moments will come

Daily self-compassion practice (write one good thing about yourself, one good thing you did, or something that made you happy) shifts focus toward agency and self-love.

Key Takeaways

  1. Autism in girls is frequently invisible and underdiagnosed due to sophisticated masking; many aren’t diagnosed until adulthood (40s-50s), having lived entire lives knowing they’re different without understanding why

  2. Masking—hiding Autism to appear “normal”—is exhausting, mentally harmful, and causes social Burnout, identity loss, anxiety, and depression

  3. Autistic strengths are genuine superpowers with societal value: honesty, loyalty, creativity, problem-solving, pattern recognition, logical/analytical thinking, fairness-mindedness, and persistence are inextricably linked to Autistic traits typically framed as deficits

  4. Sensory sensitivities are real, disabling, and require practical Accommodations, not “toughening up”

  5. The “social battery” concept explains why Autistic people need extended recovery time—social interaction is physically/emotionally exhausting; when depleted, functioning deteriorates drastically

  6. Mental health challenges (anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts) require professional Support; they are not personal failures and are not your fault

  7. Bullying is never the victim’s fault, and schools bear responsibility for creating safe, accepting environments

  8. Co-occurring conditions (ADHD, anxiety, dyslexia, dyspraxia, hypermobility, GI disorders) are extremely common in Autistic people and require distinct, targeted Accommodations

  9. Autistic girls are uniquely vulnerable online due to difficulty reading social deception, trusting nature, and communication differences; comprehensive digital safety practices are absolutely essential

  10. Comfortable, Sensory-friendly clothing and appearance choices trump fashion trends; creating a personal uniform matching Sensory needs and body type is valid style

  11. Being different is your strength, not your burden; succeeding authentically as yourself is more valuable than conforming to narrow definitions of “normal”

  12. Recovery from bullying trauma and building resilience requires consistent practice of self-compassion, pursuing identity-building activities, being open about mistakes, and using painful experiences to help others

Resources and Organizations

Autism and Neurodiversity Resources

Mental Health Support

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US): 988
  • Crisis Text Line (US): Text HOME to 741741
  • Samaritans (UK): 116 123
  • RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline (US): 1-800-656-4673

Anti-Bullying Organizations

Educational and Academic Support

  • Specialized educational Accommodations and individualized education programs
  • Occupational Therapy for motor skill development
  • Physical Therapy for strength and coordination