Exploring Bullying with Adults with Autism and Asperger Syndrome

Understanding Bullying: Definition and Recognition

Bullying involves repeated, deliberate intent to hurt with a power imbalance present. While someone might ask you to do chores or pay bills that make you unhappy, these aren’t bullying because they serve your interests. Bullying is fundamentally unacceptable behavior that you never deserve to experience.

Types of Bullying

Physical bullying includes hitting, pushing, throwing objects, non-consensual touching, locking someone away, or changing someone’s appearance without permission. Physical bullying can range from seemingly “minor” actions to severe criminal assault.

Emotional bullying encompasses unkind words, threats, social exclusion, spreading rumors, psychological manipulation, hate messages, or sharing private images online without consent. This can be particularly damaging to mental health and self-esteem.

Financial bullying involves stealing money, forcing someone to make bank withdrawals, demanding payment for fictional debts, or controlling someone’s benefit money without their agreement. Financial bullying creates dependency and vulnerability.

Sexual bullying includes violating personal sexual boundaries through unwanted touching, exposure, forcing sexual activity, sexual harassment, coercion, or forcing someone to view sexual content. Without explicit consent, sexual bullying constitutes sexual assault or rape.

Cyberbullying manifests as posting lies online, humiliation in digital communities, insulting messages, unwanted sexual content, threats, mocking websites, or other forms of online harassment. Cyberbullying can reach victims anywhere and leave permanent digital records.

Where Bullying Happens

Bullying occurs in multiple settings:

Private places: Homes, vehicles, private messages, personal spaces
Learning/work environments: Colleges, day centers, employment settings, training programs
Public spaces: Streets, shops, parks, transportation, leisure venues, online platforms

Autism, Vulnerability, and Strength

Common Misconceptions About Autism and Bullying

People with Autism are not bullied because they have Autism—it is never acceptable to bully someone based on their neurology. However, certain Autism characteristics may be targeted by bullies who seek to exploit differences.

Situations Increasing Vulnerability to Bullying

You may be more vulnerable when:

Being alone or isolated
Displaying valuable possessions or money
Under the influence of alcohol or drugs
Sharing confidential information with inappropriate people
Discussing personal issues publicly or on social media
Experiencing relationship or friendship endings
Past mistakes that others can use against you
Power imbalances (authority, group dynamics, physical differences)
Situations where someone wants to show off or impress others
Feeling unwell or experiencing low self-worth
Difficulty being assertive or communicating needs

Protective Factors and Situations

You are better protected when:

Being with trusted friends or allies
Not boasting about possessions or achievements
Keeping confidential information private
Discussing personal issues only with trusted people in appropriate settings
Having Support after relationships end
Being able to acknowledge and even laugh at your own mistakes
Having an advocate for situations with power imbalances
Being able to walk away from humiliating situations
Seeking help when not feeling well (including medical Support)
Practicing assertiveness and boundary-setting
Asking for help understanding confusing social situations

Autism Characteristics That May Be Targeted

Bullies may target:

Difficulty with verbal communication (sometimes perceived as shyness)
Challenges maintaining Eye contact
Trouble following conversations, especially in groups
Intense focus on special interests
Difficulty noticing non-verbal communication (Body language, Facial expressions)
Preference for solitude or smaller social groups
Difficulty approaching others or initiating friendships
Misunderstanding social boundaries and relationship levels
Excessive worry and need for reassurance
Difficulty understanding others’ emotional states
Strong attachment to routine and distress at changes
Physical movements or stims that stand out
Desire for physical contact others may not welcome
Carrying special objects or comfort items
Needing extra Support (which bullies may exploit)
Others’ refusal to accept Autism-related differences

Autism Strengths to Celebrate

Your Autism-related traits represent valuable strengths:

Different perspective: Unique worldview like historical innovators Albert Einstein, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and Charles Babbage
Attention to detail: Noticing patterns and changes valuable in games, hobbies, work, and conversations
Honesty: Reducing misunderstandings; particularly suited to factual work environments
Precise language use: Meaning exactly what you say; reducing confusion in communication
Reliability: Predictable behavior others can count on consistently
Deep knowledge: Expertise in special interests useful for both hobbies and employment
Strong memory: Especially for facts, dates, and areas of interest
Logical thinking: Systematic approach valuable for problem-solving and certain careers
Creativity: Original thinking patterns like artists Andy Warhol and Steven Wiltshire
Loyalty: Reliable Support during difficult times and situations
Perseverance: Continuing effort despite challenges; achieving long-term goals
Rule-following: Being dependable and predictable in various contexts
Strong sense of justice: Deep commitment to fairness and ethical behavior
Compassion: Awareness of others’ suffering with desire to help alleviate it
Uniqueness: Being different in ways that ADD value to relationships and communities
Artistic ability: Visual or creative talents that enrich human experience
Numerical and date skills: Remembering and using numbers effectively for budgeting, appointments, and pattern recognition
Resilience: Coping effectively with stress despite significant difficulties
Exceptional talents: Some individuals possess rare and remarkable abilities

The Cognitive-Behavioral Framework: Understanding Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors

Types of Feelings

Physical feelings are bodily sensations including pain, butterflies, warmth, weakness, nausea, headaches, stomach aches, chest pain, muscle tension, trembling, or altered Sensory perception. During bullying, you might experience headaches, stomach problems, weakness, or other physical symptoms.

Emotional feelings are internal states such as happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, confusion, enthusiasm, and surprise. During bullying, you might experience:

Sadness and grief
Anger and frustration
Fear and Anxiety
Shame and humiliation
Loneliness and isolation
Loss of confidence
Disgust and revulsion
Hurt and emotional pain
Powerlessness and helplessness
Worthlessness and self-doubt
Intimidation and threat
Embarrassment and self-consciousness
Hopelessness and despair
Panic and overwhelm
Suicidal thoughts and feelings

Helpful emotions may also emerge during bullying, including determination and resilience.

Understanding Thoughts

Thoughts are mental content including facts, opinions, judgments, perceptions, ideas, decisions, memories, and fantasies. Thoughts occur in words or pictures in your mind and are private unless shared. Importantly, thoughts are not always factual or accurate.

Common Unhelpful Thinking Patterns

Black-and-white thinking uses absolute words (always, must, everything, nothing, never) such as “I did one thing wrong so I’m a complete failure.”

Personalizing makes everything about yourself, for example, “people laughing must be about me” or “I caused this problem.”

Catastrophizing assumes worst-case scenarios, like “the train is late so I’ll lose my job” or “this one bullying incident will ruin my entire life.”

Shoulds, coulds, and musts involve unrealistic expectations such as “I should cope in impossible situations” or “people must treat me fairly.”

Ignoring the positive filters out good experiences, for instance, “I cooked a meal well except the potatoes are hard, so I ruined it completely.”

Mind-reading assumes you know others’ thoughts without evidence, such as “they think I’m stupid” or “everyone hates me.”

Predicting the future assumes you know outcomes before they happen, like “if I go to the party, nobody will talk to me.”

Labeling involves stereotyping yourself, such as “I am useless” or “I am a failure.”

The Cognitive-Behavioral Triangle: How Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors Connect

A key insight: thoughts, emotional feelings, physical feelings, and behaviors all influence each other bidirectionally. For example, thinking “I can’t cope” may lead to hopelessness (emotional), lack of energy (physical), and stopping usual activities (behavior), creating a downward spiral.

The encouraging news: changing any one element shifts the others positively. If you feel unable to see people but push yourself to have coffee with a friend, this behavioral change can lead to hopefulness, increased energy, and revised thinking (“I can cope better than before”).

This approach doesn’t deny legitimate concerns—if you’re being bullied, sadness is normal and appropriate. Rather, it recognizes when thoughts and feelings begin affecting unrelated life areas and uses this understanding to interrupt negative cycles.

Understanding Bullying Perpetrators

Who Can Be a Bully?

Anyone can engage in bullying behavior:

Family members: parents, step-parents, siblings, grandparents, partners
Friends: people you trust and spend time with regularly
Professionals: doctors, teachers, employers, care staff, social workers
Acquaintances: bus drivers, shop assistants, colleagues, neighbors
Strangers: people you don’t know in public spaces or online

Most people have bullied someone at some point, either deliberately or unknowingly. Similarly, most people have experienced bullying at some point in their lives.

Why People with Autism Might Bully Others

Autistic individuals may engage in bullying behavior due to:

Difficulty understanding others’ feelings and perspectives
Limited social understanding and reciprocity
Intense focus on special interests that overshadows others’ needs
Challenges with Social communication and conversation skills
Trouble understanding unwritten social rules and expectations
Misinterpreting social situations and others’ intentions

Feelings Associated With Bullying Behavior

Before bullying, a person might feel:

Frustration and anger
Anxiety and overwhelm
Desire for control or predictability
Misunderstanding and confusion

During bullying, they might feel:

Powerful and in control
Excited or stimulated
Relief from tension
Justified in their actions

After bullying, they might feel:

Guilt and shame
Embarrassment
Justified or self-righteous
Anxious about consequences

Autism Characteristics That May Increase Risk of Bullying Others

Specific traits that may contribute to bullying behavior include:

Social communication difficulties: Challenges initiating and maintaining conversations
Non-verbal interpretation problems: Misreading Body language and Facial expressions
Preference for special interests: Talking extensively about personal interests without considering others
Joining conversations: Difficulty entering ongoing discussions appropriately
Processing time: Needing longer response time that others misinterpret as rudeness
Anxiety and reassurance-seeking: Excessive worry that can feel coercive to others
Routine rigidity: Using bullying behaviors to force others to maintain preferred patterns
Difficulty understanding others’ feelings: Either over-analyzing or showing limited concern
Repetitive movements: Stimming that others may find threatening or inappropriate
Physical contact preferences: Touching others without understanding social boundaries
Relationship boundary misunderstandings: Mistaking acquaintances for close friends, becoming angry at perceived exclusion
Common misconceptions: Assumptions about Autism creating entitlement expectations

Reasons Autistic Individuals May Engage in Bullying

Communication barriers: Unable to express needs effectively, some Autistic individuals resort to “challenging behaviors” (hitting, throwing objects, swearing) that may unintentionally become bullying if these behaviors successfully elicit attention or desired responses, reinforcing their use.

Social rule misunderstandings: Breaking unspoken social rules repeatedly can appear intentional, leading others to interpret it as bullying when it’s actually due to not understanding the rule existed.

Non-verbal communication difficulties: Misinterpreting Body language and Facial expressions can lead to unfounded anger and retaliatory behavior.

Routine change Anxiety: Using bullying behaviors to force others to maintain preferred routines, having learned this approach “works” to prevent unwanted changes.

Difficulty understanding others’ feelings: Either hyperanalyzing others’ feelings (creating Anxiety) or showing little concern, potentially hurting others without realizing impact.

Sexual feelings and boundaries: Touching others without permission (even gently) constitutes bullying; some Autistic individuals misunderstand consent and personal boundaries.

Assertiveness: Protecting Yourself Without Becoming a Bully

Assertiveness is a communication style between passive and aggressive that protects you from both Victim and becoming a bully yourself.

Communication Styles

Passive behavior involves:

Not standing up for yourself
Allowing others to treat you poorly
Not expressing needs or feelings
Avoiding conflict at all costs
Often becoming a target for bullying

Aggressive behavior involves:

Being rude, threatening, or insulting
Attempting to control others
Using physical force or intimidation
Often leading to others bullying you back or avoiding you

Assertive behavior involves:

Calmly and clearly expressing needs, feelings, and boundaries
Respecting others while protecting yourself
Saying “no” without guilt
Listening to others’ perspectives
Standing up for yourself respectfully
Knowing and expressing your needs while respecting others’
Communicating feelings honestly while acknowledging others’ feelings

Assertive Body Language

Maintain arm’s-length personal space
Make appropriate Eye contact (recognizing this may be difficult—do your best)
Face people when they speak to you
Stand or sit upright with confident posture
Walk away confidently from unwanted situations
Use non-aggressive hand gestures
Avoid pointing, finger-waving, fist-clenching, or unwanted physical contact

Assertive Speech Techniques

Use confident, steady vocal tone
Speak at moderate volume
Minimize hesitation words (“um,” “er”)
Use respectful phrasing (“I would like to…”, “I do not agree…”, “I feel upset when…”)
Allow natural conversation breaks
Avoid interrupting others
Refrain from making threats

Your Nine Fundamental Rights

Assertiveness rests on understanding these basic rights:

Being listened to even when your requests are denied
Having and expressing opinions respectfully
Asking for help when needed
Saying “no” without guilt or explanation
Pursuing your goals and dreams
Changing your mind without justification
Privacy in your personal life and communications
Owning belongings without forced sharing
Not being hurt by others physically or emotionally

Practical Assertiveness Techniques

The “broken Record” Technique

Calmly and repeatedly state your position without being derailed by others’ arguments. Pre-plan your “script” if you know someone will challenge you. Keep calm, listen to their response, but persistently repeat your point until they either accept it or you walk away.

Example application: “I understand your perspective, but I am not able to help with that right now.”

Managing Criticism Constructively

Stay calm and breathe deeply
Acknowledge what you’ve heard without immediate judgment
Try to avoid getting defensive or argumentative
Respond with measured language (“I don’t agree with that,” or “I agree with some but not all of that”)
If the person becomes aggressive or argumentative, remove yourself from the situation

Saying “no” Assertively

Multiple approaches work for different situations:

Ask for clarification if you don’t understand the request
Don’t apologize for your boundary (“no” is a complete sentence)
Acknowledge you’ve heard them (“No, I can’t help you”)
Explain your reasons briefly if you choose
Indicate possible future willingness (“Ask me again in a few days”)
If under severe pressure to do something you have the right to refuse, say “no” firmly and loudly (but not shouting) without physical aggression

Replacing Unhelpful Behaviors With Helpful Alternatives

Follow this structured approach:

Identify the unhelpful behavior and understand why you do it
Brainstorm alternative behaviors that address the same need
Identify supporters who can help with the transition
Break the new behavior into specific, manageable steps

Example: Someone overeating due to boredom could replace this with:

Taking walks when urges arise
Chewing flavored gum
Learning about healthy eating
Finding alternative shopping methods
Taking smaller portions
Learning proper food storage

Implementation steps might include finding library hours, writing questions in advance, planning transportation, and approaching a friendly librarian for help.

Distinguishing Bullying from Constructive Feedback

Four key questions help distinguish bullying from legitimate feedback:

What is being said? Disagreement or reasonable feedback isn’t bullying; abusive language, threats, or unkind unnecessary comments likely are.
How is it being said? Calm, polite delivery suggests non-bullying even if unwelcome; shouting, sarcasm, or patronizing tone suggests bullying.
What’s the person’s Body language? Getting close can indicate threat or care depending on context; clenching fists in your face, blocking exits, or physically preventing departure indicates bullying.
Why are they saying it? If they have your best interests at heart (e.g., a doctor performing painful but necessary procedures), it’s not bullying. Deliberately hurting you indicates bullying except in necessary medical contexts.

Coping Strategies for Dealing With Bullying

Response Strategies

If ignoring the bully: If the bully believes you’re unaffected, they may stop. However, ignoring can initially increase bullying intensity before it stops. Support from others is helpful if bullying escalates temporarily.

If challenging the bully: Only attempt if it’s likely they didn’t realize their behavior was bullying. Have a trusted person with you. Be polite, plan what you’ll say (“I don’t like you doing this. Please stop it”), stay calm, avoid bullying behavior yourself, and prioritize your safety.

15 Specific Emotional Coping Strategies

Relax in comfortable, quiet spaces doing enjoyable activities
Talk to supportive people about your interests and wellbeing
Try something new to build self-esteem and confidence
Exercise to improve emotional and physical health
Watch or listen to funny content that makes you laugh
Listen to music to lift mood and provide distraction
Write or draw your feelings to express emotions safely
Call a helpline (e.g., Samaritans) for immediate Support
Allow yourself to cry—a natural emotional release mechanism
Use a stress ball or other Sensory tools to reduce tension
Keep a journal of positive events to focus on non-bullying aspects of life
Remind yourself of your right to respect and that bullying is never deserved
Recall past difficulties you’ve coped with and apply those successful strategies
Ask others about their bullying experiences to normalize and learn from them
Practice positive self-talk: “I can cope,” “I’ve managed difficult things before,” “I will learn from this,” “If I help myself feel good, bullies hurt me less,” “I’ll be proud of handling this responsibly”

General Coping Techniques

Write feelings privately in journals or letters
Talk to trusted friends, family, or professionals
Use healthy distraction (reading, walking, games, hobbies)
Do activities that boost confidence and self-esteem
Practice deep breathing and relaxation exercises
Engage in enjoyable, absorbing activities

Critical Warnings About Harmful Coping

Avoid: Using alcohol, drugs, or excess medication to cope. These provide short-term relief but don’t address underlying causes and create additional problems.

Avoid: Self-harm behaviors that mask rather than resolve underlying issues and create health risks including infection, scarring, and potential escalation.

Building Support and Maintaining Perspective

Surrounding Yourself With Supportive People

Bullies want you to feel alone and isolated. Cultivate relationships with people who help you feel positive—professionals, acquaintances, or even admired public figures. These connections provide:

Emotional Support during difficult times
Practical solutions to problems
Reduced vulnerability to bullying
Perspective on your experiences
Validation of your feelings and experiences

Maintaining Multiple Roles and Identities

If bullying dominates your self-image, remember you have multiple roles:

Parent, sibling, or family member
Employee, student, or volunteer
Friend or community member
Hobbyist or interest group participant
Person with skills and talents

These diverse roles help maintain perspective and provide identity beyond being a bullying victim. They reinforce your value and capabilities beyond the bullying experience.

Disclosing Bullying: Breaking the Silence

Telling someone you’re being bullied is often the first and most important step toward stopping it. Bullies rely on secrecy—when you disclose, bullying loses its power.

Choosing Who to Tell

Select someone you trust:

Parent or family member
Keyworker or Support professional
Counselor or therapist
Teacher or employer
Social worker or advocate
Close friend or mentor

Consider their relationship with the bully; if they’re close to the bully and might not believe you, they may not be the right choice.

Choosing Time and Place

Ensure the person can give you full attention in a private, confidential setting where you won’t be interrupted or overheard.

How to Disclose

You can disclose through multiple methods:

Face-to-face conversation
Phone call or video chat
Email or text message
Letter or note
Social media private message

Writing may be easier if repeating the bully’s words is too painful or traumatic.

What to Say

Begin with “I have something important to tell you” and ask them not to interrupt. Ask them to listen carefully and give you time to think and process.

Include specific details:

Who bullied you? Name(s) and relationship to you
What did they say/do? Exact words and specific actions
Where and when? Location, date, time, frequency
How long has it been happening? Duration and pattern
How did it make you feel? Before, during, and after
What did you do? Your response at the time
Did others witness it? Who saw or heard what happened
How did it end? How the incident concluded

Documentation and Evidence

Keep detailed notes on every incident:

Date and time
Location where it occurred
Bully’s identity and relationship to you
Exact words used and actions taken
Your feelings and thoughts during and after
Your response and actions
Witnesses present
How the incident ended

Preserve evidence:

Abusive messages (texts, emails, voicemails, letters, social media posts, graffiti)
Communications you sent the bully
Any physical injury documentation with photos
Screenshots of cyberbullying content

Important: Avoid sending abusive or threatening messages in response, as this could be considered bullying itself and complicate your situation.

Last Resort Planning

If nothing else stops the bullying, you may need to remove yourself from the situation (leave home, change jobs, cease contact). This is only after exhausting all other options.

Plan carefully by answering:

What situations do you need to remove yourself from?
What will you lose by leaving?
What alternative sources exist for lost resources?
What preparation steps are needed?
Who can help with this transition?
What is your exact timeline?
What difficult changes should you expect?
What coping strategies will Support you through this?
What positive outcomes do you anticipate?

Stopping Bullying Behaviors: a Path to Change

Step 1: Admitting the Behavior

Recognize harmful behavior, even if only to yourself initially. Acknowledging the behavior’s impact is the first step toward change.

Step 2: Understanding Impact

Learn how victims feel physically and emotionally. Recognize consequences for both victims and perpetrators. Develop empathy by considering others’ perspectives.

Step 3: Disclosing to a Trusted Person

Identify someone trustworthy (friends, family, teachers, employers, social workers, advocates). Choose appropriate time and place. Select communication method (face-to-face, phone, email, letter, text).

Step 4: Genuine Apology

Use “I” statements showing personal responsibility. Specify exactly what behavior you’re apologizing for. Acknowledge understanding of why it was wrong.

Example: “I am very sorry for calling you names; I know that it hurt your feelings and made you feel bad about yourself.”

Step 5: Managing Difficult Emotions

Instead of “taking feelings out on somebody else,” express emotions safely using “I” statements. Be specific about the emotion, express intensity, and specify reasons.

Alternative outlets:

Writing, drawing, or painting privately
Using relaxation techniques and breathing exercises
Seeking Support from trusted people
Physical activity and exercise

Step 6: Building Positive Self-Talk

Replace negative self-talk (“I’m worthless,” “I can only get what I need by hurting others”) with positive affirmations:

“I know that I am strong enough to stop bullying others”
“If I do things that help me feel good about myself, I will be less likely to bully”
“I know I can learn better ways of communicating feelings than through aggression”
“I have succeeded at things before and know I can succeed with this”

Step 7: Accessing Positive Feelings

13 evidence-based strategies include:

Relaxing in comfortable spaces doing enjoyable activities
Talking to supportive people about interests and wellbeing
Trying new activities to build confidence
Exercise for emotional and physical health
Watching funny content that creates laughter
Listening to music to improve mood
Calling helplines for Support
Allowing yourself to cry when needed
Using stress balls or Sensory tools
Journaling positive events and experiences
Reminding yourself that people have rights and deserve respect
Reflecting on past positive changes you’ve made
Setting specific, achievable goals for improvement

Step 8: Identifying Triggers and Developing Alternatives

What situations make you want to bully? What are your current coping strategies? Practice new behaviors before you need them. Seek professional Support if needed.

Legal Rights and Protections

Bullying As Illegal Behavior

Bullying is illegal and violates human rights. The Human Rights Act (1998) guarantees your rights to:

Life and protection from violence
Protection from torture and degrading treatment
Liberty and security
Fair trial and justice
Privacy and family life
Freedom of expression
Freedom from discrimination

Many bullying behaviors constitute criminal offenses:

False imprisonment: Locking someone away or preventing them from leaving
Assault and battery: Physical attacks or unwanted touching
Malicious wounding: Causing serious physical injury
Sexual offenses: Sexual bullying without explicit consent constitutes rape or sexual assault
Theft and financial crimes: Taking money or possessions without permission
Harassment and stalking: Repeated unwanted contact or communication

Disability Protections

The Disability Discrimination Act (2005) provides specific protections for disabled people, including those with Autism. All Autistic adults are designated as “Vulnerable Adults” under legal frameworks, which can trigger mandatory reporting requirements.

Reporting Serious Bullying

For bullying that constitutes criminal offenses or involves vulnerable adults, contact:

Police services
Local Safeguarding Adults teams (via police, Adult Social Care, NHS Trust)
Specialized bullying Support organizations
Legal professionals specializing in discrimination or harassment cases

Support Resources and Organizations

Crisis Support Services

Samaritans: 24-hour emotional Support (08457 909090 UK; 1850 609090 Ireland)
Befrienders Worldwide: International suicide and crisis Support
PAPYRUS: Suicide prevention for under-35s (HOPELineUK 0800 0684141)
Supportline: Confidential emotional Support for adults (01708 765200)

Autism-specific Resources

The National Autistic Society: Information, Support, and advocacy (www.nas.org.uk)
AANE (Autism & Asperger’s Network): Resources and community Support
Autism Self Advocacy Network: Autistic-led advocacy and resources
Local Autism organizations: Community-specific services and Support

Bullying-specific Support

The Andrea Adams Trust: Bullying Support and advocacy (01273 704900)
Huf Puf Bullying Helpline: Dedicated bullying Support (0208 7856299)
Workplace bullying resources: Professional Support for employment situations

Mental Health Services

GP or primary care physician: First point of contact for mental health concerns
Community mental health teams: Local Support and treatment services
Counseling and Therapy services: Professional mental health Support
Crisis Assessment teams: Emergency mental health intervention

Key Takeaways

Bullying is never acceptable, and you’re not alone in experiencing it. Most people encounter bullying at some point, and it can happen anywhere to anyone. However, experiencing or perpetrating bullying isn’t your fault if you address it—and it can be overcome with Support and effort. Understanding this reduces shame and opens pathways to help.
Understanding your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors separately helps you respond more effectively. Feelings are automatic but manageable. Thoughts are mental patterns, many unhelpful, but not facts—recognizing them as “unhelpful thoughts” reduces their power. Behaviors are your choices—even under pressure, you remain responsible but can learn new, helpful responses.
Your Autism-related differences are strengths to be proud of, and this self-worth protects you. Characteristics that bullies pick on are the same traits that bring value: loyalty, reliability, honesty, detailed attention, creativity, resilience, sense of justice, and compassion. Actively identifying and celebrating these strengths reduces vulnerability and supports mental health.
You always have responsibility for your choices. Even under peer pressure, you retain agency and accountability for your behavior except in life-threatening extremes. This empowering principle means you can choose differently from social pressure and must accept consequences—but you’re not helpless in difficult situations.
Assertiveness protects you from both bullying and becoming a bully. The skill of respectfully expressing needs, boundaries, and opinions while acknowledging others’ perspectives sits between passive victimhood and aggressive harm. Passive people are vulnerable to exploitation; aggressive people risk becoming bullies; assertive people build relationships and establish respect that deters bullying.
Changing one element of the thoughts-feelings-behaviors triangle creates positive cascade. You don’t have to address everything at once. Small behavioral changes (like attending one coffee with a friend despite Anxiety) shift emotional state, physical energy, and thought patterns, creating momentum for larger change. This is especially valuable when feeling stuck or hopeless.
Bullying is illegal and violates fundamental human rights. Many bullying behaviors constitute criminal offenses with serious legal consequences. Legal protections exist specifically for disabled people, and reporting serious bullying activates professional Support systems designed to protect vulnerable adults.
Disclosure (telling someone) is the single most powerful intervention. Bullying thrives in secrecy. Breaking silence—whether by telling a trusted adult, documenting incidents, or reporting to authorities—simultaneously removes the bully’s primary power source and activates external protection and Support.
Understanding why Autistic individuals sometimes engage in bullying can facilitate change without excusing behavior. Communication barriers, Sensory sensitivities, social confusion, or Anxiety often underlie bullying behavior. Recognizing these enables targeted interventions rather than pure punishment. However, responsibility remains—“I have Autism” never justifies hurting others.
Coping strategies work best when combined and personalized. No single strategy works universally. The most resilient approaches involve surrounding yourself with supportive people, documenting evidence, practicing concrete coping skills (exercise, creative expression, positive self-talk), maintaining multiple life roles/identities, and recognizing achievements to counteract identity-crushing effects.

Important Reminders for Professionals Supporting Autistic People

Receiving Disclosures from Autistic Individuals

Listen to literal language without reading between lines. People with Autism typically mean exactly what they say and are very honest. Avoid assuming hidden meanings or subtext that isn’t explicitly stated.

Use visual approaches to clarify understanding. People with Autism often process visual information more effectively than verbal communication alone. Use drawings, diagrams, and sequential records to aid mutual understanding.

Don’t rely on non-verbal communication to assess distress. Eye contact, Facial expressions, and tone may not reliably indicate emotional state or truthfulness in Autistic individuals due to differences in Neurotypical communication patterns.

Be clear about next steps and provide specific timelines. Ambiguity creates Anxiety. Specify exactly what will happen, when, and who will be involved. Follow through on commitments.

Recognizing Autism-Specific Communication

Do not misinterpret lack of Eye contact as dishonesty or aggression. This may reflect comfort, processing time needs, or Neurological differences unrelated to truthfulness.

Understand that emotional expression may not match experience. An Autistic person might describe serious bullying harm in a calm, matter-of-fact tone. Both the harm and their distress are real, even if expression seems atypical.

Allow processing time during conversations. Autistic individuals may need additional time to formulate responses, especially when discussing emotional or traumatic experiences.

Recognize that distress may emerge later through behavioral changes. Initial apparent calm may give way to increased need for routine, self-injurious behavior, or other indicators as processing occurs.

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Exploring Bullying With Adults With Autism And Asperger