The Spectrum Girl's Survival Guide How To Grow Up Siena Castellon Awesome And Autistic

The Spectrum Girl’s Survival Guide - Summary

Executive Summary

The Spectrum Girl’s Survival Guide by Siena Castellon is a comprehensive practical guide for autistic girls navigating adolescence. Written by an autistic teenager, the book addresses the unique challenges autistic girls face—including invisible autism, masking, sensory overload, social challenges, bullying, and co-occurring conditions—while reframing autistic traits as genuine strengths. Castellano provides concrete, actionable accommodations for thriving authentically rather than viewing autism as deficiency.

What makes this book unique: Castellano writes from lived experience as an autistic girl diagnosed at age 12 (and ADHD at 15), combining practical survival strategies with powerful reframing of autistic traits as “superpowers.” Unlike clinical guides, this book speaks directly to autistic girls with visceral, specific examples (like pretending to like One Direction to fit in) while grounding advice in evidence-based approaches. The book is notably comprehensive in addressing puberty, periods, and digital safety—topics often neglected in autism literature for girls.

Understanding Autism in Girls

The Invisible Diagnosis

Autism in girls frequently goes undiagnosed or is diagnosed late because girls are exceptionally skilled at masking—hiding autistic traits through camouflaging and performance to appear “normal” and socially acceptable. This invisibility creates a tragic paradox: many autistic girls know they’re fundamentally different from peers but have no framework to understand why. Castellano describes always feeling like an “alien” before receiving her late diagnosis at age 12—a “six-letter word” that finally made sense of everything.

Autism manifests differently in girls than the male stereotype. While autistic boys often display obvious behavioral markers, autistic girls develop sophisticated camouflaging strategies: observing and copying peers’ behavior, forcing eye contact, varying facial expressions, memorizing conversation scripts, hiding sensory sensitivities, suppressing stimming and special interests, and assuming different personalities depending on social context. This performance requires constant, elaborate effort fundamentally different from minor social compromises neurotypical people make.

Many autistic girls aren’t diagnosed until their 40s or 50s, having spent their entire lives convinced something was fundamentally wrong with them while successfully masking to convince everyone around they were neurotypical.

The Autism Constellation

For Castellano, diagnosis explained interconnected symptoms that had seemed like separate deficits:

• Severe sensory processing sensitivities to sound, light, smell, touch, and taste
• Advanced vocabulary alongside specific learning challenges
• Exceptional mathematical ability
• Social communication difficulties
• Intense anxiety
• Stomach problems and chronic insomnia
• Poor motor coordination

Autistic Strengths as Superpowers

Reframing Deficits

Neurotypical culture persistently frames autism through a deficit lens: social difficulties, sensory problems, rigidity, difficulty with change. Castellano argues this framing is neurotypical bias, not objective truth. Autistic brains are wired differently—not defectively—optimized for different cognitive strengths. Neurotypical brains are optimized for socialization and reading social nuance; autistic brains are optimized for detailed observation, pattern recognition, logical analysis, developing expertise in areas of intense interest, and understanding complex systems.

These are complementary strengths, not inferior ones. Castellano demonstrates that traits society labels as deficits are inextricably linked to genuine autistic superpowers: honesty, strong sense of fairness and justice, loyalty, trustworthiness, sincerity, non-judgmental nature, kindness, dependability, conscientiousness, creativity, unconventional thinking, exceptional problem-solving abilities, and persistence.

Historical and Contemporary Examples

Historical figures including Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, and Isaac Newton are believed to have been autistic. Contemporary autistic activists like Greta Thunberg demonstrate how autistic special interests—when pursued authentically—drive meaningful societal change. Castellano reframes the fundamental reality: autistic people were never meant to fit in; they were meant to stand out.

The Spectrum Isn’t Linear: Rejecting Functioning Labels

Harm of Labels

The language of “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” autism is inaccurate, harmful, and misleading. Functioning levels fluctuate dramatically based on situation, stress level, fatigue, and environmental accommodation. Castellano describes appearing “low-functioning” on bad days when stressed or bullied, while appearing “high-functioning” on good days—yet she’s the same person with the same autistic brain.

These labels oversimplify a complex neurological condition into a false binary that obscures individual variation, hides real support needs in “high-functioning” individuals, and dismisses abilities in “low-functioning” individuals. More insidiously, labeling someone as “low-functioning” lowers others’ expectations, preventing growth and achievement. Castellano cites Temple Grandin—once considered unteachable, now a university graduate and world-famous professor. “Low-functioning” individuals may be nonspeaking but are not less intelligent; many use augmentative and alternative communication and have rich inner lives.

The Masking Trap

The Exhaustion of Performance

Masking—hiding autism to appear “normal” and socially acceptable—is the defining experience of many autistic girls. Unlike small social compromises neurotypical people make, autistic masking requires constant, elaborate effort that causes physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. Castellano spent years observing and copying peers’ behavior, forcing eye contact, studying girls she wanted to befriend, pretending to like One Direction (a band she had no genuine interest in), keeping intense interests secret, memorizing conversation scripts, and constructing multiple personalities for different social contexts.

The result was shallow friendships built entirely on deception where the real her was never revealed or known. Masking backfires: attempts at literal imitation (repeating jokes exactly, copying clothing precisely) come across as uncanny or creepy rather than connecting.

The School-Home Personality Split

Many autistic girls behave like completely different people at school versus home. They appear as model students at school—compliant, quiet, perfect—while suppressing all autistic traits. They then arrive home and have devastating meltdowns from accumulated tension and anxiety. Parents may be profoundly confused by this personality split, not understanding that home is the only safe place to be themselves.

Consequences of Sustained Masking

The damage from sustained masking is profound:

• Loss of identity—Castellano became whoever she spent most time around, picking up accents and mannerisms, becoming a human chameleon unable to distinguish the real her from characters she played
• Damaged self-esteem and sense of self-worth, implying something is fundamentally wrong and that she isn’t safe being herself
• Social burnout—the combination of effort required and identity loss affecting mental health, leading to severe anxiety and depression

Sensory Sensitivities

The Reality of Sensory Processing Differences

For autistic people, sensory sensitivities are not drama, exaggeration, or something to “toughen up” about. Autistic people cannot filter sensory information—sounds, lights, smells, textures, and touch hit the nervous system with unfiltered intensity. Sensory overload is physically painful and distressing, causing actual discomfort and dysfunction, not behavioral misbehavior.

Castellano provides visceral description of what leaving the house means for an autistic girl: assault of car noise, motorcycle sounds, construction work, subway crowds with overwhelming mixed smells (perfumes, coffee, deodorant), people brushing against her causing throbbing pain across her entire body, toxic fumes and rotting trash smell, blurring vision, heavy school bag, racing heart and churning stomach before school even begins. At school, she must simultaneously engage in conversation while deciding which social script to use, forcing eye contact, mirroring body language, varying facial expressions, timing when to speak—all while her vision blurs, heart races, and she feels lightheaded.

Sound Sensitivity

Sound sensitivity is particularly distressing. Castellano dislikes footsteps, electrical hum, whistling, door slamming, running water, extractor fans, zippers, foot tapping, slurping, specific word sounds (“queue,” “conundrum”), knuckle cracking, clocks ticking, heartbeats, and metal clashing. She struggles filtering background noise in crowds, hearing multiple conversations simultaneously as overwhelming cacophony.

Most autistic people discover that listening to music is their greatest weapon—it blocks distressing environmental noise while providing distraction from discomfort and sensory pain. Noise-cancelling headsets filter the sounds triggering sensory overload. Planning ahead for loud venues (going to theme parks on rainy days when quieter, requesting quiet seating areas at restaurants) prevents sensory crisis.

Light Sensitivity

Light sensitivity is often overlooked but significantly disabling. Fluorescent lighting—ubiquitous in schools—flickers and hums at frequencies most people can’t detect, but cause autistic people nausea, headaches, dizziness, and visual distress. Irlen glasses with colored lenses filter out problematic wavelengths; many people report dramatic symptom relief. Polarized sunglasses and prescription sunglasses help outdoor light sensitivity.

Smell, Touch, Texture, and Taste

Smell sensitivity creates acute aversion to some smells while enabling enjoyment of others. Aromatherapy oils and roll-ons can block unpleasant smells or provide preferred sensory processing input.

Touch sensitivity varies dramatically. Castellano is over-sensitive; her sister is under-sensitive and barely feels cold or pain. Over-sensitive touch creates aversion to being touched, painful handshakes, and hair touching skin feeling like glass shards. Many autistic girls cannot wear hair down due to this sensation. Solutions include buying natural, breathable fabrics (100% organic cotton), washing clothes many times before wearing to soften them, and removing tags.

Texture and taste sensitivity makes many autistic children picky eaters. As long as eating a balanced diet, restrictive eating accommodates legitimate sensory sensitivities. Importantly, autistic people commonly have gastrointestinal problems; avoiding certain foods may reflect actual food intolerance rather than picky eating. Castellano discovered avoiding dairy significantly reduced her stomach problems.

Sight Sensitivity and Visual Thinking

Sight sensitivity for visual thinkers involves recalling vivid mental images. This has benefits (recalling happy images to lift mood) and significant drawbacks. Negative images haunt you; Castellano avoids horror movies and gory crime dramas because even brief trailer exposure implants disturbing images that pop into her head at unexpected times—intrusive, distressing, difficult to remove.

Practical Sensory Survival Kit

Build a personalized sensory survival kit adapted for different situations:

• Audio: Headset for music listening (her greatest weapon against sensory overload)
• Scent: Roll-on aromatherapy oils (lavender for calm, ginger for nausea)
• Tactile comfort: Tiger Balm for pain from accidental touch, hair bands for fidgeting, stress ball or putty
• Texture management: Pocket tissues to create seat cushions on uncomfortable chairs, wet wipes for sticky residue
• Other essentials: Menthol lip balm, heartburn medication, snacks

Creating a Sensory Haven

Transform bedroom into calming sanctuary: paint walls calming colors (Castellano chose grayish-blue), keep space organized or messy based on preference, create positive associations, bring pet in if possible, use weighted blanket for sleep comfort, keep blackout curtains or dim lighting, minimize clutter that triggers anxiety.

The Social Battery and Social Exhaustion

Limited Social Energy

Autistic people have limited social energy—the “social battery” concept. When fully charged, you’re at your social best. As it drains, social skills deteriorate until unable to interact effectively. Social interaction is physically and emotionally exhausting; recovery requires extended alone time to recharge. This isn’t antisocial; it’s biological necessity fundamentally different from neurotypical experience where social interaction energizes.

Castellano rations social battery throughout the school day, constantly balancing socializing with safeguarding energy. When rationing fails (unexpected schedule changes, group conversations, mandatory after-school clubs), social battery reaches critical levels and anxiety skyrockets.

Symptoms and Recovery

When drained, ability to function deteriorates: clumsiness increases, touch tolerance decreases, rigidity increases, change tolerance decreases, sensory sensitivity multiplies. Prevention strategies include essential alone time (Castellano needs at least one hour in her room after school), safe sanctuary during school breaks/lunch (library, empty classroom), spending time with pets, listening to music, immersing in special interests, engaging in stimming, exercising, maintaining healthy diet, prioritizing sleep, practicing positive attitude.

Alexithymia: Difficulty Identifying and Expressing Emotions

Understanding Alexithymia

Many autistic people struggle identifying and expressing emotions—a condition called alexithymia (“no words for emotions”). Castellano struggles identifying anything beyond big emotions (good/bad, happy/sad); subtle emotions (envy versus jealousy) are murky. She identifies emotions through music—unconsciously choosing specific songs linked to particular emotions. Music becomes emotional interpreter and outlet.

Emotional Expression Challenges

Expressing emotions is similarly unnatural. Facial expressions and body language rarely match internal feelings. Sometimes huge disconnect exists: feeling ecstatic inside but face shows indifference or boredom. Emotions and body feel detached, causing misunderstandings.

Time delay in processing emotions compounds the problem. Sometimes hours or days pass before understanding feelings. During bullying investigations, bullies fake tears and remorse while Castellano appears cold and unemotional, making school staff mistrustful despite her actual distress and trauma.

Communication Strategies

If alexithymic and accused of inappropriate emotional response: explain not everyone shows emotions the same way, reassure them you were concerned, explain you need longer to respond emotionally. If struggling with face-to-face emotional communication, express yourself in writing or email—explicit communication allows time for reflection.

Four-Step Emotional Regulation Technique

(1) Name the feeling by identifying the specific emotion and its trigger—this creates a sense of control and improves emotional recognition over time

(2) Accept the feeling by giving yourself permission to feel whatever emotion arises without judgment—there’s no “right” way to feel

(3) Express the feeling through healthy outlets like journaling, drawing, walking, physical movement, or talking—avoid self-harm

(4) Practice self-love through engaging in enjoyable activities that soothe and restore you

Puberty, Periods, and Personal Hygiene

Good Hygiene Essentials

Good hygiene is essential—an expected social norm affecting future relationships and employment. However, autistic girls’ sensory processing sensitivities make grooming challenging. Daily showers/baths are necessary; use unscented soap if sensitive. For water-sensitive girls, quick showers suffice or use body wipes. Shower management tips include using waterproof speakers and time-tracking playlists to manage shower time.

Hair Care, Skincare, and Dental Care

Wash hair every 2-3 days unless greasy. Use gentle shampoo that doesn’t sting eyes, use a pump bottle to measure consistent amounts, replace rough towels with soft bamboo towels.

Skin produces more oil during puberty, clogging pores and causing pimples. Wash face morning and night with gentle cleanser, avoid products with microbeads, use natural unscented organic products, avoid alcohol-containing products.

Brushing teeth can be sensory nightmare. Experiment with different toothbrush types (electric vs. manual, different bristle strengths and shapes). Soft, rounded bristles preferred; try gentler toothpaste alternatives—charcoal or fruit-flavored have milder taste than peppermint/spearmint.

Visiting the Dentist

Bright lights, strong smells, loud drill sounds are especially distressing for autistic girls. Dental visit strategies: wear dark sunglasses, wear headset to block dental equipment sounds, ask dentist to lean chair back before getting in, if available, wear X-ray vest for weight/grounding effect. Critical tip: ask dentist to explain everything beforehand so you know what to expect and feel more in control.

Periods and Menstruation

Periods are messy, unpredictable, and often painful for autistic girls. Three product types exist; experimentation is needed to find what works for sensory needs and preferences.

Pads are convenient and easy to use but autistic girls may find pads uncomfortable due to sensory processing sensitivities. Solutions: try different brands/sizes/thicknesses/shapes, change pads regularly, dispose properly. Alternative: washable, reusable pads made from natural fibers (cotton, bamboo), better for sensory issues and environment, less expensive long-term.

Tampons are cotton plugs inserted into vagina to absorb blood. Benefits: can pee without removing, can swim during period. Critical safety note: change tampons regularly; never leave in longer than 8 hours (risk of toxic shock syndrome).

Menstrual cups are inserted into vagina and hold blood until emptied. Product recommendations: use unscented products, change pads regularly to manage odor, keep cute bag with period products in backpack or locker. For girls who avoid public/school toilets: wear super-absorbent night pads, try period-proof underwear with different absorbencies/styles, wear black or dark clothing.

Period Tracking and PMS Management

Most autistic individuals struggle tracking time and like structure. Periods are unpredictable, upsetting for autistic girls. Clue app tracks periods and sends notifications, preventing surprise. Multiple similar apps exist.

PMS involves physical symptoms (headaches, joint/muscle aches, backaches, breast tenderness, insomnia, constipation or diarrhea, stomach cramps) and emotional symptoms (difficulty controlling emotions, magnified anxiety, mood swings, irritability, tiredness, trouble concentrating). For autistic girls, sensory processing sensitivities skyrocket during PMS.

Management strategies: get plenty of sleep and rest, use lavender-scented microwavable wheat bag on stomach for cramps, drink warm chamomile tea, take painkillers/anti-inflammatory medication for headaches/joint/muscle pain, consider PMS-specific medication. Understanding why symptoms occur and how long they last helps feel more in control.

Bra Fitting and Shaving

Measuring for correct fit: measure rib cage below breasts in inches, if even number add 4 for band size, if odd add 5. Bra selection tips: soft-cup bras offer maximum comfort, sports bras provide more support, underwired bras provide structure but can dig in, prioritize pure cotton over synthetic, choose front or back fasteners based on motor coordination comfort, buy plain skin-tone bras for light-colored tops.

Shaving tips to avoid nicks and razor burn: shave in warm shower, apply generous lubricant, shave in direction of hair growth, don’t rush, don’t forget backs of legs, change razors frequently, use quality razors with conditioning strips and pivoting heads, be especially cautious around knees and ankles. Avoid: waxing (sensory overload), depilatories (cause skin irritation, smell terrible).

Disclosure: To Tell or Not to Tell

Benefits and Drawbacks

Benefits of disclosing: easier access to support and accommodations, freedom to be yourself without exhausting pretense, others understand your different reactions and behaviors, educational value that changes neurotypical perceptions of autism, school staff can provide targeted support.

Drawbacks: people may treat you differently or avoid you, misconceptions and stereotypes remain common, girls specifically face disbelief (“you don’t look autistic”—frequent, dismissive response), risk of bullying increases, employers may discriminate, confidentiality may be breached without consent.

Strategic Disclosure

Castellano is generally open about her autism but has experienced rejection and avoidance when disclosing. When disclosing to family, consider whether they’ll be open-minded and accepting or try to “cure” you—some families treat autism as shameful secret requiring secrecy. She recommends telling your school because it helps teachers understand your needs (e.g., sensory processing sensitivities to uniform scratching rather than interpreting discomfort as deliberate disobedience). Telling classmates is riskier—they may become more understanding or may use autism as ammunition for bullying.

Practical Strategies & Techniques

Executive Functioning Support Strategies

Executive function (planning, time management, memory, multi-step problem solving, organization, homework management, test studying) is major challenge for autistic people. Practical solutions include color coding, use checklists, break tasks into sub-tasks, get duplicates (keep textbook sets at home and school), get into routine, learn to prioritize, find right work environment.

Bullying Response: Ten Evidence-Based Strategies

(1) Ignore/use visualization: use “protective bubble” visualization to deflect words; removes bully’s reward

(2) Tell bully to stop: use assertive, confident voice when comfortable

(3) Report to trusted adults: never suffer in silence—reporting prevents escalation and holds bullies accountable

(4) Avoid bullying hot spots: seek safe spaces

(5) Recognize it’s not your fault: bullying is never the target’s responsibility

(6) Find inspiring role models: celebrities were bullied and overcame it

(7) Focus on hobbies outside school: build identity and resilience

(8) Lean on anti-bullying charities: access websites, helplines, support resources

(9) Consider school change: if institutional culture enables bullying, changing schools is valid self-care

(10) Report hate crimes to police: if targeted because of autism (disability hate crime), report to authorities

Assertive Body Language and Friendship Building

Most communication is non-verbal communication. Autistic girls often appear vulnerable; bullies target perceived weakness; projecting confidence deters escalation. Practice: keep back straight, hold head high, walk with purpose, relax shoulders, hold eye contact, use assertive voice.

For friendship building: be authentically yourself—trying to mask exhausts you and people sense the pretense. Find friends with shared interests rather than forcing connections. Conversation starters include questions about weekends, movies, pets, music. People enjoy talking about themselves. Join school clubs around shared interests. Show genuine interest in others’ topics, edit what you say aloud, be a good friend, recognize toxic friendships.

School Accommodation Requests

Request targeted accommodations: time-out card, early dismissal, schedule advance notice, safe sanctuary during breaks, sensory processing accommodations, modified social expectations, testing accommodations, uniform modifications, bathroom access, PE accommodations.

Digital Safety and Online Protection

Autistic girls are uniquely vulnerable online due to difficulty reading deception, trusting nature, and communication differences. Essential safety rules: protect identity (check privacy settings, remain anonymous, never share identifying info), use gender-neutral screen name, never share passwords, be nice online, think before posting, don’t post anything inappropriate, remember the internet is forever, don’t respond to mean messages, don’t meet online friends in real life, NEVER sext (sexting is illegal—creating/sharing/possessing indecent images of minors under 18 is child pornography, even if sender is also a minor).

Co-Occurring Conditions

Common Accompanying Challenges

Many autistic girls also have ADHD, though diagnosis is often delayed. Castellano wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until age 15 despite struggling to focus for years; once diagnosed and medicated, her study efficiency improved dramatically.

Dyslexia doesn’t indicate low intelligence (35% of U.S. entrepreneurs are dyslexic). Reading accommodations and specialized educational approaches support dyslexic autistic students.

Dyspraxia (developmental coordination disorder) affects motor skills and coordination. Accommodations like switching to laptop instead of handwriting can significantly reduce pain and increase output.

Many autistic people have joint hypermobility and connective tissue issues causing pain and coordination problems. Physical therapy and appropriate exercise help manage symptoms.

Anxiety disorders and depression are extremely common co-occurring conditions. Professional support, medication when needed, and environmental accommodations are essential for mental health management.

Mental Health and Crisis Support

When to Seek Immediate Help

If experiencing suicidal thoughts, severe anxiety, self-harm urges, or severe depression: tell a trusted adult immediately. These conditions are not shameful and require professional support. Resources include crisis lines, emergency services, school counselor or nurse, parent or trusted family member. Recovery is possible with proper support. Most people who’ve felt suicidal recover and live fulfilling lives.

Self-Harm Alternatives

If struggling with self-harm urges, try alternatives: journaling or writing down feelings, drawing or creative expression, walking or physical movement, talking to trusted adults, holding ice cubes, snapping rubber bands on wrist.

Building Resilience

Resilience is the ability to recover from setbacks. When facing disappointment or setback: remind yourself current feelings are temporary, sadness/anger will pass, this experience strengthens you, you’ll be proud of persisting, you’re not alone, asking for help is strength not weakness. Daily self-compassion practice (write one good thing about yourself, one good thing you did, or something that made you happy) shifts focus toward agency and self-love.

Key Takeaways

1. Autism in girls is frequently invisible and underdiagnosed due to sophisticated masking; many aren’t diagnosed until adulthood, having lived entire lives knowing they’re different without understanding why

2. Masking is exhausting, mentally harmful, and causes social burnout, identity loss, anxiety, and depression

3. Autistic strengths are genuine superpowers with societal value: honesty, loyalty, creativity, problem-solving, pattern recognition, logical/analytical thinking, fairness-mindedness, and persistence

4. Sensory processing sensitivities are real, disabling, and require practical accommodations

5. The social battery concept explains why autistic people need extended recovery time

6. Mental health challenges require professional support; they are not personal failures

7. Bullying is never the victim’s fault

8. Co-occurring conditions are extremely common and require distinct accommodations

9. Autistic girls are uniquely vulnerable online; comprehensive digital safety practices are essential

10. Being different is strength, not burden; succeeding authentically as yourself is more valuable than conforming