Executive Summary
“Welcome To The Autistic Community” serves as a comprehensive introduction to autism from an autistic perspective, fundamentally reframing autism as a normal human variation rather than a disease requiring cure. The book systematically dismantles common misconceptions while providing practical guidance for autistic people seeking community, self-advocacy skills, and allies wanting to support autistic rights. What makes this work distinctive is its unwavering centering of autistic voices—including non-speaking autistic people—its rejection of functioning labels, and its grounding in disability rights frameworks like the neurodiversity movement and social model of disability.
The text confronts harmful stereotypes directly: it rejects the “tragic autism” narrative, debunks the vaccine myth, explains why puzzle piece imagery causes harm, and emphasizes that non-speaking people communicate meaningfully. Perhaps most importantly, it identifies how racism, sexism, and other biases cause underdiagnosis in girls, women, people of color, and transgender/non-binary people, validating self-diagnosis when formal diagnosis remains inaccessible due to systemic barriers.
Understanding Autism: A Neurodevelopmental Difference
Autism represents a lifelong neurological difference affecting how people think, perceive the world, move, communicate, and socialize. Autistic people are born autistic and remain autistic throughout their entire lives; you cannot “grow out of” autism or become autistic later in life. The foundational principle animating this work is that autism constitutes a normal way of being human rather than a disease requiring cure. Most autistic people explicitly reject the concept of a cure and instead seek acceptance, understanding, and support to live well within a world not designed for autistic neurology.
The text forcefully rejects “functioning labels” like “high-functioning,” “low-functioning,” “mild,” or “severe” because these labels fail to reflect actual support needs while actively causing harm through inaccurate assumptions about capability. Functioning labels frequently result in people being denied necessary help because they “don’t look autistic enough,” or conversely, having their capabilities underestimated and autonomy restricted. Instead, autism exists on a spectrum where every autistic person manifests differently: each person possesses unique combinations of challenges and strengths.
Two people with vastly different presentations can be equally autistic. For example, one non-speaking autistic person may live independently and shop alone but require assistance with meal preparation, while another speaking autistic person lives with support staff but shops independently—neither is “more autistic” than the other. Support needs vary person-to-person and even day-to-day, making specific descriptions (“needs help with X,” “communicates via Y”) far more useful than vague, harmful labels.
Autistic Thinking and Cognitive Patterns
Special Interests and Deep Focus
Many autistic people develop intense special interests that can last from weeks to lifetimes and become sources of deep joy, expertise, and sometimes career paths. These aren’t hobbies or passing fads but consuming focuses that structure how autistic people spend time and energy. Special interests provide meaning, comfort, and expertise that can become valuable life skills and professional capabilities.
Executive Functioning Challenges
Executive functioning challenges make planning, starting and stopping tasks, and remembering sequences of steps difficult—autistic people often describe it as “riding a stubborn horse.” A task that seems simple (cooking dinner, which requires gathering ingredients, following steps in order, timing elements, and managing multiple pans) can feel overwhelming and exhausting because organizing and sequencing the steps requires enormous mental effort.
Meltdowns and Shutdowns
Meltdowns and shutdowns occur when autistic people become overwhelmed by stress, sensory input, or emotional intensity. These are not tantrums or behavioral choices—they are involuntary neurological responses that cannot be controlled through willpower or discipline. Meltdowns involve intense emotional and physical responses including crying, yelling, or physical agitation; shutdowns involve withdrawal, reduced responsiveness, or difficulty processing information. Both reflect the nervous system reaching its maximum capacity and are fundamentally protective responses to overwhelming input, not misbehavior.
Cognitive Processing Styles
Autistic thinking often involves black-and-white thinking, which creates clear moral frameworks but can make navigating gray-area situations challenging. Autistic people frequently notice small details others miss, have excellent fact-based memories (often remembering specific facts, dates, or information precisely), and prefer routine and sameness because predictability provides stability and reduces processing demands. Learning patterns also differ: some autistic people master “hard” concepts before “easy” ones, need multiple exposures before understanding, or suddenly understand something weeks after encountering it in a delayed processing pattern.
Sensory Processing and Regulation
Autism fundamentally changes how the brain processes sensory information across multiple sensory systems. Beyond the five basic senses (vision, hearing, touch, smell, taste), autism affects additional senses including proprioception (pressure and body position), interoception (hunger, pain, temperature), and vestibular sense (balance and movement).
Sensory Experiences and Sensitivity
Sensory experiences differ dramatically between autistic and non-autistic people: loud noises may be painfully loud rather than merely noisy, bright lights may be genuinely uncomfortable, clothing tags may feel unbearable, moderate temperatures may feel extreme, or conversely, significant pain may barely register. This difference in sensory processing isn’t a preference or behavioral issue—it reflects how the autistic brain processes input.
Sensory overload occurs when one or more senses become too intense, potentially triggering meltdowns or shutdowns. Importantly, sensory preferences can change day-to-day—a sound that was tolerable yesterday may be overwhelming today, or a texture that usually feels soothing may feel irritating. This variability reflects the dynamic nature of autistic sensory experience and makes blanket accommodations insufficient; flexibility and individual input remain essential.
Stimming: Self-Regulation Through Movement
Stimming (self-stimulatory behavior) includes repetitive movements like hand-flapping, rocking, spinning, humming, or rubbing textures. Stimming serves multiple critical functions: it helps autistic people balance their senses, regulate emotions, show feelings, focus on tasks, or simply experience joy. Critically, stimming is normal—all people stim (tapping pens, bouncing legs, chewing on objects)—but autistic people stim more frequently and intensely.
No one should force autistic people to stop stimming; doing so causes genuine distress and removes a necessary regulation tool. Autistic people stim in all settings including workplaces and prestigious locations (even the White House), and this is appropriate and acceptable. Attempts to suppress stimming often contribute to burnout and emotional exhaustion.
Motor Differences and Physical Coordination
Autistic people have different motor skills affecting both gross motor movements (running, swimming, climbing) and fine motor control (writing, tying shoes, manipulating small objects). Motor planning difficulties make sequencing movements challenging—an autistic person might struggle to perform the sequence of standing up, walking to the kitchen, and retrieving items in the correct order, even though each individual movement is possible. Clumsiness, tripping, dropping things, and difficulty starting or stopping movements are common motor differences.
These aren’t carelessness or lack of effort but neurological differences in how movement is planned and executed. What looks like “clumsiness” often reflects motor planning challenges that can be addressed with supports like visual schedules, breaking tasks into smaller steps, or allowing extra time for movement transitions.
Speech Motor Control Challenges
Speech motor control challenges affect talking in several ways: controlling mouth muscles to produce sounds, planning what to say, figuring out the correct sounds to produce, and managing voice volume and tone (resulting in talking too loud or too soft, mumbling, or voice quality that sounds unusual). Some autistic people cannot talk consistently or at all; this may stem from motor control challenges, anxiety, or other neurological factors.
Non-speaking Autistic People
Non-speaking describes people who don’t talk regularly; this includes people who never talked, those who talked and then stopped, and those who talk sometimes but communicate through writing or other means. Estimates suggest approximately 1 in 3 autistic people are non-speaking, though exact numbers remain unknown due to underdiagnosis and underreporting.
Critically, non-speaking does not mean non-communicating—non-speaking people communicate meaningfully through various methods and deserve full respect for their communication. The text emphasizes: never assume non-speaking people have intellectual disabilities or cannot think, feel, understand, or have things to say. This assumption has enabled neglect, abuse, and denial of education and autonomy.
Communication Styles and Methods
All autistic people communicate, though the methods vary widely. Understanding autistic communication requires recognizing legitimate communication forms beyond spoken words.
Echolalia and Scripting
Echolalia (repeating heard phrases) is a legitimate communication tool autistic people use when generating new sentences independently is difficult. Delayed echolalia involves remembering and reusing phrases later for new meaning (for example, quoting movie lines to express current feelings); immediate echolalia involves repeating what’s just been said. Both forms serve communicative purposes and should be respected rather than suppressed.
Scripting involves pre-planned or memorized speech, which autistic people use more extensively than non-autistic people. Scripting is an effective communication strategy that reduces the cognitive load of generating novel speech in real-time, allowing autistic people to communicate more effectively and with less anxiety.
Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC)
AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) includes any method beyond typical spoken speech: typing, iPad buttons with pre-programmed phrases, pointing to letters or pictures, sign language, drawing, or other methods. Some autistic people use AAC always, others sometimes, and AAC can supplement or fully replace spoken words.
Critically, talking is not superior to other communication forms; all communication deserves to be heard and respected equally. Demanding that an AAC user speak, or privileging speech over other communication methods, represents a form of ableism that excludes non-speaking and minimally-speaking people from full participation.
Social Understanding and Connection
Autism changes how people relate to others—not because autistic people lack empathy (many care deeply, sometimes excessively), but because understanding others’ feelings and following unwritten social rules is harder. Several dimensions of social difference are important to understand:
Empathy Differences
Autistic people may feel others’ pain intensely and become overwhelmed by others’ emotions, or conversely, may not immediately realize when someone is hurt. These represent different empathy experiences, not lack of empathy. What looks like “not caring” may reflect difficulty processing social cues, not absence of concern.
Understanding Others’ Feelings
Non-autistic people intuitively guess others’ emotions and adjust behavior accordingly through reading nonverbal cues; autistic people find this intuitive process difficult and may need people to explicitly state what they’re feeling. This difference is neurological, not a character flaw. Direct communication benefits everyone but is essential for autistic people to understand others’ emotional states.
Unwritten Social Rules
Unwritten social rules (greeting people, small talk norms, appropriate volume, dressing for specific events, limiting conversation about special interests, not interrupting) are invisible and confusing—how can you follow rules nobody explains? Autistic people often find written rules or explicit instruction far more accessible than informal social expectations. What looks like “breaking social rules” often reflects lack of clear instruction rather than intentional disregard.
Eye Contact and Nonverbal Communication
Eye contact is often uncomfortable, painful, or actually makes listening harder for autistic people, so they may look away to concentrate better. Many autistic people learn to fake eye contact (looking at noses or between eyebrows) to appear more acceptable to non-autistic people, though this requires significant cognitive effort and reduces their ability to listen.
Nonverbal communication (body language, facial expressions, tone of voice) differs in autistic people—crossed arms might indicate need for pressure rather than anger, foot-tapping might be stimming rather than impatience, and autistic people may focus on words to communicate clearly rather than relying on complex nonverbal signals. Autistic people may have difficulty reading others’ nonverbal communication or may read it literally rather than inferentially.
Independence from Peer Pressure
Autistic people often find it easier to think independently and resist peer pressure, which can look like ignoring social rules others follow. This capacity for independent thinking is a strength, though it may conflict with social conformity expectations. The ability to think independently can lead to innovation, authenticity, and resistance to harmful social norms.
Daily Living and Independence
Autism makes daily activities more exhausting and complex than for non-autistic people. Tasks with multiple steps (cooking, grocery shopping, household management) require enormous energy. After a long meeting at work requiring social engagement and sensory tolerance, an autistic person might lack energy to cook dinner and need food delivery or someone’s help. Another autistic person might find the sequencing of cooking steps too overwhelming and need support.
This is not laziness—it is real exhaustion from managing a neurology that works differently within a society designed for non-autistic people. The text emphasizes that everyone relies on others for support (drivers didn’t build cars or roads; no one does everything alone); autistic people simply need different accommodations. Common necessary supports include delivered groceries, job coaches, note-takers at school, live-in support staff, or help with time management.
Needing help is normal, and autistic people have many strengths too—the goal is building systems where people get the specific support they need while developing their capabilities. Supports and accommodations aren’t “special treatment” but adjustments that allow autistic people to access the same opportunities as non-autistic people.
Diversity Within the Autistic Community
Autism is far more diverse than popular representations suggest, and the text explicitly addresses populations often overlooked or excluded:
Girls and Women
Girls and women are autistic but dramatically underdiagnosed. Diagnostic criteria were developed primarily studying boys; girls may “mask” (hide autistic traits) more effectively, receive alternative diagnoses (shyness, anxiety, meanness, eating disorders), or show different presentations (intense special interests framed as typical female interests, different stimming styles). Getting diagnosed as a girl or woman often requires seeking assessment from clinicians specifically knowledgeable about autism in females.
Transgender and Non-Binary People
Transgender and non-binary people are autistic; gender identity and autism are separate conditions (though many autistic people are trans or non-binary for reasons not yet fully understood, possibly including comfort with non-conformity or differences in how autistic brains process gender). Autistic trans and non-binary people face unique challenges at the intersection of ableism and transphobia.
People of Color
People of color are autistic at equal rates to white people, but face racist diagnostic biases. Doctors trained on white male presentations miss autistic people of color and may instead misdiagnose them with intellectual disability, mental illness, behavioral disorders, or aggression. Black autistic people are particularly subject to misdiagnosis and mistreatment. Racism directly causes underdiagnosis in people of color, creating the false appearance that autism primarily affects white people.
Adults and Older People
Teenagers, adults, and older people can be autistic—autism is not just a childhood condition. You cannot “grow out of” autism. Getting diagnosed as an adult doesn’t mean you weren’t autistic as a child; you were always autistic, just undiagnosed. Late diagnosis in adulthood often brings mixed emotions: grief for lost years without understanding, relief at finally having an explanation, and anger at systemic failures to recognize autistic traits earlier.
Non-Speaking and Intellectual Disability
Non-speaking people are often underestimated. While some have intellectual disabilities, many don’t—the book emphasizes: never assume non-speaking people have intellectual disabilities or cannot think, feel, understand, or have things to say. This assumption has enabled neglect and abuse.
Autistic people with intellectual disabilities are still autistic; these are two separate conditions that can coexist. Autism itself is not an intellectual disability, though autistic people can also have intellectual disabilities just as non-autistic people can.
Self-diagnosed Autistic People
Self-diagnosed autistic people belong in the autistic community; formal diagnosis can be inaccessible due to cost, racism, sexism, gatekeeping, or other barriers. Self-diagnosis through learning about autism from autistic sources is valid when someone has genuinely explored their neurology. The community includes both formally diagnosed and self-diagnosed autistic people because what matters is shared neurology and experiences, not access to medical institutions.
Autism Facts: Debunking Common Myths
The book systematically addresses persistent myths about autism that cause harm:
Vaccines Do Not Cause Autism
Vaccines do not cause autism: A 1997 fraudulent study by Andrew Wakefield falsely claimed a connection; extensive research has thoroughly disproved this. Autism is largely genetic (inherited from family members). The continued vaccine myth causes real harm by diverting attention from actual autistic needs and promoting dangerous vaccine refusal.
Autism Is Not a Disease
Autism is not a disease: Unlike diseases that make you sick or cause death, autism is how the brain works. You cannot cure it, and most autistic people don’t want one. Society often frames autism as tragic or broken, but this reflects ableism rather than reality. Autistic people want acceptance, accommodations, and respect—not to be fundamentally changed.
No “Normal” Person Trapped Inside
There’s no “normal” person trapped inside autistic people: Autism isn’t something that imprisons a normal person—autistic people are autistic all the way through. Acceptance means accepting the whole person, not hoping to find a hidden neurotypical beneath. This metaphor suggests that autistic people’s authentic selves are unacceptable and must be stripped away to reveal a “real” person underneath, which is profoundly dehumanizing.
Autistic People Have Always Existed
Autistic people have always existed: Rising diagnosis numbers (1 in 150 in 2000 → 1 in 59 more recently) reflect improved detection, not more autistic births. Better awareness and lower diagnostic thresholds mean more autistic people are identified. However, doctors still miss girls, women, and people of color, so actual prevalence is likely even higher than current estimates suggest.
Autism Isn’t Inherently Sad
Autism isn’t sad: It’s a different way of being with both challenges and strengths. Hardship often comes from others’ unfairness, lack of accommodation, and ableism—not from autism itself. Reframing autism as inherently tragic obscures the real sources of autistic suffering: societal barriers, discrimination, and lack of support.
Autistic Adults Are Adults
Autistic adults are adults: The concept of “mental age” is not real—a 36-year-old has a 36-year-old brain regardless of abilities. Autistic adults can have sex, marry, have children, make choices, and deserve the same autonomy as non-autistic adults. Treating autistic adults like children violates their dignity and denies their agency.
Most Autistic People Talk; All Communicate
Most autistic people talk; all communicate: Speaking is just one form of communication. Non-speaking autistic people communicate meaningfully and deserve respect for their communication methods. The refusal to acknowledge non-speaking communication methods has enabled horrific abuse and denial of basic rights.
Autism ≠ Intellectual Disability
Autism ≠ intellectual disability: These are separate conditions. Many autistic people have no intellectual disability; many people with intellectual disabilities aren’t autistic. Conflating these distinct conditions leads to inappropriate assumptions about capabilities and inappropriate supports.
Not All Autistic People Have Special Talents
Not all autistic people have special talents: Most are good at some things and bad at others; exceptional ability is rare, not the norm. The “savant” stereotype harms autistic people by setting impossible expectations or dismissing those without exceptional abilities as “not autistic enough.”
All Genders and Races Are Autistic
All genders are autistic: More boys are diagnosed (approximately 3 times more), but this reflects male-centered diagnostic criteria and bias, not actual prevalence. Girls and non-binary people are autistic at likely similar rates.
All races are autistic: Racism causes underdiagnosis in people of color, creating the false appearance of lower prevalence. This diagnostic failure has devastating consequences for autistic people of color who don’t receive necessary supports and accommodations.
Disability Rights and Neurodiversity Framework
Understanding autism requires understanding disability frameworks:
The Social Model of Disability
Disability is a normal part of human diversity; the problem isn’t disabled people but inaccessible societies. This perspective, known as the social model of disability, locates the issue in environmental barriers rather than in disabled bodies or minds. When buildings lack ramps, the problem is the building’s inaccessibility, not the wheelchair user’s mobility difference. When information lacks captions, the problem is the format’s inaccessibility, not the Deaf person’s hearing difference.
Accessibility (making things usable for disabled people) doesn’t eliminate disability but helps enormously. Examples include Braille menus, bumps on floors at street crossings, closed captions, and service animals—these accommodations enable disabled people to access the same services and spaces as non-disabled people.
Ableism and Discrimination
Ableism is discrimination against disabled people—manifesting as wanting to cure autism, saying autistic people aren’t “autistic enough” to deserve help, ignoring non-speaking people’s communication, or believing disabled people shouldn’t exist. Ableism can be overt or internalized (disabled people discriminating against other disabled people). Internalized ableism causes some autistic people to reject non-speaking autistic people or those with intellectual disabilities, replicating harm within the community.
The Neurodiversity Movement
Neurodiversity means humans have all kinds of brains with different strengths and needs; there is no single “normal” brain. The neurodiversity movement (part of the broader disability rights movement) articulates core principles: people with different brains should be accepted and valued; disabilities shouldn’t be cured or eliminated; autistic people should be allowed to be autistic; everyone deserves necessary support to live well.
The movement includes autistic people, intellectually disabled people, mentally ill people, learning disabled people, speaking and non-speaking people, those needing little or extensive help—everyone. Neurodiversity frames autism as a natural human variation, not a medical problem requiring treatment. This framework shift moves from “fixing autistic people” to “fixing society to include autistic people.”
Self-Advocacy and Autonomy
Self-advocacy means standing up for yourself to get what you need: saying “no,” asking for help, demanding to be left alone, deciding your own day, or speaking about your disability. Self-advocacy requires two things: knowing what you want and a way to communicate it. Even someone who doesn’t talk but signals preferences (humming for yes, hand-biting for no) is self-advocating. Autistic people should be supported to make their own choices whenever possible.
The Self-Advocacy Movement
The self-advocacy movement began in 1960s Sweden when intellectually disabled people formed clubs to demand community living, school inclusion, work opportunities, and rights. The movement grew globally, contributing to the closure of institutions and changes in disability law. People continue fighting for rights to choose where they live, what help they receive, voting rights, and control of their own money.
This movement explicitly rejects guardianship in favor of supported decision-making, recognizing that all people deserve autonomy over their own lives regardless of disability status. The movement’s slogan—“Nothing About Us, Without Us”—emphasizes that disabled people must lead decisions affecting disabled communities.
Self-Advocacy Strategies
Specific self-advocacy strategies include: saying “no” or expressing disagreement; talking about yourself and your needs; asking for accommodations (extra test time, note-takers, AAC use at work); using helpful tools (visual schedules, reminders, cleaning help); and communicating however works best (writing, pictures, drawing, speech) rather than how others prefer. Self-advocacy may look different for different people but is valuable regardless of how it’s expressed.
Supported Decision-Making
Supported decision-making offers an alternative to guardianship: the autistic person makes their own decisions with help from chosen supporters (not guardians who decide for them). Laws vary by state; Protection & Advocacy Agencies help enforce rights. This model preserves autonomy while providing necessary support, recognizing that needing help with decisions doesn’t mean lacking the capacity to make decisions.
Legal Rights and Protections
Several U.S. laws provide enforceable rights (though many people don’t know these laws exist or how to enforce them):
Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA)
Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) (1990): Prohibits discrimination based on disability; guarantees accommodations at work (employers cannot fire disabled people or treat them differently); ensures access to public businesses (same services as others); requires accessible communication (captions, Braille, interpreters). The ADA creates enforceable rights, but many autistic people don’t know how to invoke these protections or fear retaliation for asserting them.
IDEA (Individuals With Disabilities Education Act)
IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act): Requires free public school education for students with disabilities; requires individualized education plans (IEPs) listing current abilities, learning goals, services, and accommodations; requires teaching same material in same classroom when possible (“least restrictive environment”); includes transition planning at age 16 for post-secondary goals.
Section 504 (Rehabilitation Act)
Rehabilitation Act/Section 504: Prohibits discrimination by government-funded programs; requires government websites, buildings, and services to be accessible; applies to schools receiving government funding. This law covers many situations where the ADA doesn’t apply, providing broader protections for disabled students and government service recipients.
Fair Housing Act
Fair Housing Act: Prevents discrimination in housing; landlords cannot refuse disabled people; must allow necessary modifications (ramps); must allow service animals. This protection is crucial for autistic people seeking independent living, as housing discrimination based on disability remains common.
Olmstead Ruling
Olmstead ruling (1999 Supreme Court decision): Affirmed the right to community living (not institutions) with services. Requires states to provide services in community settings; people can go to court to enforce this right when states inappropriately institutionalize them. This ruling represents a major victory for disability rights, affirming that disabled people have the right to live in communities rather than institutions.
Finding and Building Autistic Community
Approximately 1 in 59 people are autistic (likely significantly underestimated due to ongoing diagnostic disparities). Autistic community means autistic people connecting—hanging out, solving problems together, talking online, fighting for rights—and creates pride, acceptance, and belonging. The internet revolutionized connection; autistic people now meet online and in-person through organized groups.
Finding Community Options
Finding community options include:
- Meetup.com: Search locally for “autism” groups
- Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) affiliate groups (autisticadvocacy.org/get-involved/affiliate-groups/)
- People First groups in most states (peoplefirst.org/usa/—groups run by people with disabilities advocating for themselves)
- College disability groups
- Autism conferences
- Social media communities: Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Reddit host active autistic communities; search “autism,” “neurodiversity,” or “#ActuallyAutistic” but filter out non-autistic people saying negative things
Online communities provide connection, validation, and information. Creating community: ASAN provides tools and resources for starting groups.
Inclusion and Exclusion in Autistic Community
Many autistic communities accidentally or intentionally exclude people. Who gets left out: people of color, women, trans/non-binary people, poor people, people with other disabilities, self-diagnosed people, non-speaking people, and intellectually disabled autistic people.
Why Exclusion Happens
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Underdiagnosis based on identity: Society underdiagnoses women and people of color. Media shows mostly white autistic boys, so others don’t recognize themselves as autistic or doctors miss them.
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Gatekeeping: Some groups ban people without formal diagnoses, excluding many who can’t access diagnosis due to cost, racism, sexism, or other barriers.
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Lack of accessibility: Groups meeting in loud spaces unintentionally exclude sound-sensitive people; fast-talking excludes non-speaking people who communicate slowly; no wheelchair access excludes wheelchair users; no interpreters exclude Deaf people; no visual accommodations exclude blind people.
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Internalized ableism: Some autistic people internalize ableist beliefs and look down on non-speaking people, intellectually disabled autistic people, or those needing extensive help, excluding them or treating them badly. This perpetuates harm within community.
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Other discrimination: Autistic people can discriminate based on race, gender, sexuality, religion, or class, creating hostile environments.
Building Inclusive Communities
Building inclusive communities requires: paying attention to your own biases and who you’re leaving out; noticing who’s missing from your group; learning what makes people feel included; continuously learning about accessibility and intersectionality; actively refusing to discriminate; remembering that all autistic people deserve respect and rights. True inclusion isn’t passive but requires active commitment to dismantling barriers and welcoming diverse community members.
Being an Ally to Autistic People
Allies are non-autistic people who help autistic people and fight for autistic rights. Core ally practices include:
Learn from Autistic People
- Learn from autistic people: Read autistic writers (Autistic Self Advocacy Network publications, Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network, Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism, AskingAutistics on social media). Ask autistic people questions—autistic people know autism best. Avoid learning autism primarily from non-autistic “experts” (parents, therapists, doctors) who may hold ableist perspectives.
Respect Privacy and Bodily Autonomy
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Respect privacy: Don’t share autistic people’s pictures, videos, or stories without permission. Don’t repeat private disclosures about someone’s disability or challenges. Recognize autistic people have the right not to answer personal questions about their autism.
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Respect bodies: Let autistic people stim; don’t touch without asking; respect bodily autonomy. Never force eye contact, suppress stimming, or require physical affection.
Respect Communication Methods
- Respect communication: Listen however autistic people communicate (talking, AAC, echolalia, scripting, body language, writing). Take all communication seriously; don’t demand speaking if someone is non-speaking or uses AAC; accept AAC as equally valid to speech.
Believe and Support Autistic People
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Believe in autistic people: Recognize autistic people think, feel, and learn. We’re not childlike. Believe us when we say we need help or are in pain even if we don’t “look disabled.” Give us choices and chances to try things. Get us support we need.
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Don’t assume: People do things for many reasons. Not making eye contact doesn’t mean lying; not smiling doesn’t mean unhappiness; facing away doesn’t mean not listening. Ask us instead of assuming. This is critical—only autistic people know why they’re behaving a certain way.
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Talk respectfully: Ask how autistic people want to be called. Don’t use puzzle piece imagery (makes autism seem like a problem to solve). Don’t use functioning labels or the word “retarded.” Don’t say “everyone’s a little bit autistic” (minimizes our needs). Use specific language (“non-speaking,” “intellectual disability,” “support needs”) instead of vague labels.
Avoiding Assumptions and Asking Questions
Rather than assuming why autistic people behave a certain way, allies should ask directly. This applies to common autistic behaviors like talking to oneself (which helps organize thoughts or regulate), stimming, or having a meltdown. The only reliable way to understand autistic behavior is asking the autistic person. Allies should notice when they make assumptions and actively work to reduce them. What looks like “weird” behavior often serves important regulation, communication, or coping functions.
Respectful Language About Autism
Language shapes how society treats autistic people, making word choice critically important. Allies should:
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Ask autistic individuals how they prefer to be described: whether they use “autistic” (identity-first language) or “person with autism” (person-first language). Many autistic people prefer identity-first language because autism is core to identity, not separate from it.
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Avoid functioning labels: Replace “low-functioning,” “high-functioning,” “severe,” or “mild” with specific descriptions of support needs or abilities (e.g., “non-speaking,” “has an intellectual disability,” “requires certain support needs”).
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Never use “retarded” or “retard”: This word is weaponized against people with intellectual disabilities and is dehumanizing.
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Avoid minimizing phrases: Don’t say “everyone’s a little bit autistic”—this minimizes autism as a real disability and can reduce access to necessary support.
The Puzzle Piece Problem
Puzzle pieces are commonly used to represent autism, but research shows this imagery makes people think autism is bad or that autistic people are unsolvable mysteries. A study demonstrating this found that showing people puzzle piece imagery changed their perception of autism negatively compared to control groups. Autistic people reject this symbolism because “we are people, not puzzles.” Allies should avoid puzzle piece imagery in advocacy, discussions, or materials about autism.
Speaking About Autism Respectfully
Allies should speak about autism as if an autistic person is standing right behind them, because autistic people can hear the things said about us and it affects us deeply. Language should avoid making autism seem negative, sad, broken, or scary—framings that already permeate society. An ally’s role is to change how others think about autism, not reinforce harmful narratives. How allies talk about autism when autistic people aren’t present reveals their true commitment to allyship.
The “Nothing About Us, Without Us” Principle
Autistic people work in every profession and should always be included in projects about autism. However, inclusion requires more than having autistic people present; it demands that allies actually listen, ensure understanding, provide time for autistic people to share thoughts, and take those thoughts seriously. Allies must be willing to change project components that could harm autistic people. This input must happen at every stage—from planning through execution—not just at the end when changes are too late to implement.
Examples illustrate the difference: Camila writes a book with an autistic character. She consults autistic people before publication, allows them to read the draft, modifies problematic sections based on their feedback, and pays them for their work—this is good partnership. Isaac plans an autism conference with mostly non-autistic staff (except Mario, one autistic self-advocate). Isaac ignores Mario’s concerns during planning, the conference ends up being harmful for autistic people, and Isaac dismisses criticism by claiming Mario was involved, avoiding accountability—this is performative inclusion that causes harm.
Learning from Mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes as an ally, and this is a normal part of the journey. Some mistakes are easy to fix (stopping use of hurtful language), while others are more difficult (potentially needing to change jobs if the work harms autistic people). Being a true ally sometimes requires doing hard things. Autistic people understand this—we do hard things constantly living in a society not designed for us. It is crucial that allies work hard to change systems that hurt autistic people.
Family Members As Allies
Families have historically been powerful advocates—parents of disabled children have fought to close institutions and secure community support. Family members can be strong allies by: supporting their autistic relatives to live good lives; fighting for autistic rights; creating safe family environments; respecting autistic relatives’ privacy and bodies; believing them about their needs; supporting them having control of their lives; not publicly sharing their stories without permission; letting them stim; respecting their communication methods; and helping other families become allies too.
Family members must recognize that their autistic relatives are the experts on their own experiences and should lead decisions about their lives. Support should be provided in ways that preserve autonomy and self-determination, not control or “management” of autistic behavior.
Practical Strategies for Success
Self-Advocacy: Standing up for Yourself
How to apply it: Identify what you need (specific accommodations, communication preferences, support). Communicate these needs clearly and directly to relevant people. Practice saying “no” or expressing disagreement. Request specific accommodations (extra test time, note-takers, AAC use at work, communication method preferences). Use tools that help (visual schedules, written reminders, assistive technology). Remember that advocating for yourself might look different than how non-autistic people advocate, and that’s okay.
Expected outcomes: Better access to needed support; reduced burnout from trying to meet unrealistic expectations; increased autonomy and control over your life; building skills for ongoing self-advocacy.
Creating Sensory-Friendly Environments
How to apply it: Reduce sensory intensity (dim lights, use soft sounds, allow quiet spaces). Permit and normalize stimming. Provide fidgets, noise-canceling headphones, or sunglasses. Allow flexible seating and movement. Offer advance notice of sensory changes (fire drills, loud events). Take individual preferences seriously—what bothers one autistic person may not bother another. Prioritize accessibility: ensure communication options (AAC devices, writing, visuals) are available; make spaces wheelchair accessible; provide captions for audio; provide text alternatives for visual information.
Expected outcomes: Autistic people feeling less overwhelmed and more able to participate; reduced meltdowns and shutdowns; better learning and productivity; increased sense of belonging and acceptance.
Supported Decision-Making
How to apply it: Identify a trusted supporter (not a guardian who decides for you). The autistic person makes their own decisions; supporters help by providing information, discussing options, and offering perspective—but the autistic person retains decision-making authority. Document the arrangement. Know that laws vary by state; Protection & Advocacy Agencies provide support in enforcing rights. This differs from guardianship (where the guardian decides for you) and emphasizes autonomy.
Expected outcomes: Autistic people maintaining legal rights and autonomy while receiving help with complex decisions; supporters providing meaningful assistance without control; fulfillment of self-determination principles.
Building Inclusive Community Spaces
How to apply it: Assess who’s attending and who’s missing. Ask members (especially people from underrepresented groups) what would make them feel more welcome. Make spaces physically accessible (wheelchair access, accessible bathrooms, parking). Provide communication options (interpreters, AAC devices, written materials, captions). Keep meetings paced to allow processing time. Avoid assumptions; ask people their preferences. Have explicit anti-discrimination policies. Pay people of color and disabled people for their labor and expertise. Actively recruit and welcome diverse members.
Expected outcomes: More diverse, inclusive community where everyone feels they belong; reduced exclusion; richer perspectives and strength from diversity; more autistic people (especially from marginalized groups) finding connection and support.
Allyship in Action: Centering Autistic Voices
How to apply it: In any project about autism, ensure autistic people are involved from planning through execution. Ask autistic people’s opinions and actually listen. Implement feedback even when it’s inconvenient. Pay autistic consultants and contributors for their time. Speak about autism respectfully (as if autistic people are listening). Notice when you make assumptions and ask instead. Use identity-first language and specific descriptions instead of functioning labels. Avoid puzzle piece imagery. Acknowledge mistakes and change course.
Expected outcomes: Better, more accurate, less harmful projects. Autistic people feeling heard and respected. Prevention of projects that cause harm to autistic community.
Essential Resources and Organizations
Advocacy Organizations
- Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) (autisticadvocacy.org) - Organization run by autistic people advocating for autistic rights; provides affiliate groups, resources, and guidance on self-advocacy and policy
- ASAN Affiliate Groups (autisticadvocacy.org/get-involved/affiliate-groups/) - Local disability advocacy groups sharing ASAN’s values; good way to find local autistic community
- Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network - Organization centering autistic women and non-binary people’s voices and experiences
- Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism - Resource providing autistic perspectives on autism
- People First Groups (peoplefirst.org/usa/) - Self-advocacy groups for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities; many states have chapters; good resource for finding local disability advocacy community
Community Finding Resources
- Meetup.com - Platform for finding local groups by interest; searchable for “autism” groups in your area
- ActuallyAutistic - Social media hashtag/community where autistic people share experiences and perspectives
Legal Rights Information
- Section 504 (Rehabilitation Act) - U.S. Federal law prohibiting discrimination by government-funded programs; requires accessible communication and accommodations
- ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) - U.S. Federal law prohibiting disability discrimination; guarantees workplace accommodations, access to public businesses, and accessible communication
- IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) - U.S. Federal law requiring free public school education for students with disabilities; provides IEPs and accommodations
- Fair Housing Act - U.S. Federal law preventing housing discrimination against disabled people
- Olmstead (Supreme Court ruling, 1999) - U.S. Court decision affirming right to community living with services rather than institutionalization
- Protection & Advocacy Agencies - State-based organizations helping enforce disability rights; useful for understanding supported decision-making and other rights
Important Considerations and Limitations
This Book Does Not Cover (limitations)
- In-depth clinical diagnosis procedures or how to access formal diagnosis
- Specific therapeutic interventions or medical treatments
- Detailed school IEP navigation (though IDEA is mentioned)
- Comprehensive workplace accommodation strategies
- Parenting as an autistic person
- Relationships and sexuality for autistic people
- Aging and autism in later life
- Autism in specific cultural contexts (book uses U.S. focus for legal information)
When to Seek Professional Help
- If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or self-harm urges
- If you’re in an abusive relationship or situation
- If you’re experiencing severe depression, anxiety, or burnout
- If you need formal diagnosis (reach out to local disability organizations or advocacy groups for referrals to autism-knowledgeable providers)
- If you’re navigating complex educational or workplace accommodations
- If you need support understanding trauma or abuse history
Critical Safety Notes
⚠️ Non-Speaking People’s Rights and Dignity: Never assume non-speaking people can’t think, feel, understand, or have things to say. This assumption has historically enabled abuse and neglect. Assume competence and work to understand non-speaking people’s communication, whatever method they use.
⚠️ Mental Health and Burnout Risk: Autistic people often experience burnout from masking, managing a world not designed for them, and excessive demands. Seek support from mental health professionals who understand autism. Masking—hiding autistic traits to appear non-autistic—comes at enormous psychological cost and contributes to mental health challenges.
⚠️ Intersectionality Matters: Autistic experience differs significantly based on race, gender, sexuality, class, disability status, and other identities. Understanding autism requires understanding how autism intersects with other identities and social positions. Autistic people with multiple marginalized identities face compounded barriers and discrimination.
Key Takeaways for the Journey
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Autism is a lifelong, normal developmental difference—not a disease or tragedy: Autistic people are born autistic and remain autistic throughout their lives. Autism changes how people think, move, communicate, and socialize, but it’s a normal way of being human.
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Reject functioning labels; recognize that support needs vary individually: Terms like “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” are harmful and don’t reflect actual support needs. Every autistic person is different with unique strengths and challenges.
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Autism is dramatically underdiagnosed in girls, women, people of color, and transgender/non-binary people due to bias, not actual prevalence differences: Self-diagnosis through learning from autistic sources is valid when diagnosis is inaccessible.
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Sensory and motor differences are central to autism and require accommodation, not suppression: Stimming is necessary and normal, not something to suppress. Non-speaking doesn’t mean non-communicating.
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Non-speaking and minimally-speaking autistic people have thoughts, feelings, intelligence, and important things to say—never assume otherwise: This is critical for protecting non-speaking autistic people from harm and ensuring their voices are heard.
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Autistic people deserve self-determination: the right to make their own decisions with support, not have decisions made for them: “Nothing About Us, Without Us!” means autistic people must lead decisions affecting them.
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Autistic community is vital, revolutionary, and increasingly diverse—but exclusion happens through both gatekeeping and unintentional inaccessibility: Building inclusive community requires active commitment and continuous learning.
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Ableism (discrimination against disabled people) is pervasive; the social model of disability and neurodiversity frameworks offer alternative understanding: The social model locates disability in environmental barriers, not disabled people.
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U.S. Disability law provides enforceable rights—but most people don’t know these exist or how to enforce them: Knowing these rights and how to enforce them is essential.
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Allyship requires centering autistic voices, examining your own biases, and being willing to do hard things: True allies learn from autistic people, respect privacy and bodily autonomy, and work to change systems that harm autistic people.
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Language and imagery powerfully shape how autistic people are treated: Puzzle piece imagery makes people perceive autism as negative. Speaking respectfully about autism—as if autistic people are listening (because we are)—changes how society treats us.
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Newly diagnosed autistic people should know: you were always autistic, just undiagnosed; you belong in autistic community; you don’t need to perform “autistic enough”; your autistic traits are normal and valid: Getting diagnosed as an adult doesn’t mean you weren’t autistic as a child.