The Educator’s Experience of Pathological Demand Avoidance
Executive Summary
This guide offers educators a comprehensive framework for supporting students with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), a distinct profile within the autism spectrum characterized by an anxiety-driven need for control and avoidance of everyday demands. Unlike traditional autism approaches that emphasize structure and predictability, PDA learners require novelty, flexibility, and genuine autonomy to thrive. The central thesis is that trust is the antidote to anxiety—when educators build authentic connections, respect autonomy, and reduce demands, students with PDA can access learning and often become high achievers in adulthood. The school environment itself, rather than student capability, creates the primary barriers to engagement.
The work distinguishes itself through several unique contributions: it challenges conventional autism intervention paradigms by arguing against rigid structure, introduces the “marketplace approach” to learning where students browse without pressure, and reframes “attention-seeking” behavior as connection-seeking. The author presents counter-intuitive positions that often contradict traditional educational wisdom, particularly around praise, rewards, and classroom management. Most notably, the guide emphasizes that educators’ emotional honesty is non-negotiable—attempting to mask frustration or stress backfires completely because PDA learners’ hypervigilance detects emotional cues with extraordinary sensitivity.
Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) represents a distinct profile within the autism spectrum where individuals experience an anxiety-driven compulsion to avoid demands and maintain control over their environment. Unlike typical demand avoidance that most children exhibit occasionally, PDA involves perceiving virtually all demands as fundamental threats to autonomy and safety—even activities the individual genuinely enjoys become threatening when framed externally as demands.
The scope of educational challenges is profound. A 2018 PDA Society survey revealed that 70% of young people with PDA were unable to tolerate school or were home educated, indicating systemic failure rather than individual incapacity. Yet paradoxically, when supported appropriately through autonomy-focused approaches, these same students often become high-achieving adults in fields requiring intense focus and expertise—engineering, IT, healthcare, and other professions where their unique cognitive style becomes an asset rather than a deficit.
PDA differs from other autism profiles through several core characteristics that manifest consistently: an anxiety-related need for control over all situations, extreme avoidance of everyday demands extending even to desired activities, socially manipulative strategies to maintain control, and fundamental resistance to conventional parenting and teaching approaches that prove effective for other autistic individuals. The key distinction lies in how PDA presents as interconnected features rather than isolated symptoms, requiring a comprehensive rethinking of educational approach rather than piecemeal accommodations.
The Anxiety-Trust Connection: Foundation of Support
The foundational principle underpinning all effective support for PDA learners is that the antidote to anxiety is trust. This relationship operates bidirectionally: building trust reduces anxiety, and reduced anxiety increases capacity for trust and learning. The “bucket analogy” illustrates critical differences in how anxiety accumulates and drains between neurotypical individuals and those with PDA. Neurotypical anxiety buckets have natural holes allowing stress to drain over time, starting from a relatively low baseline. PDA anxiety buckets lack these drainage holes entirely and start from a higher baseline level, filling rapidly and overflowing into crisis behaviors when demands accumulate.
Identifying what fills and empties each learner’s anxiety bucket becomes essential for effective support. Common bucket fillers include demands and expectations, sensory overload and forced interactions, rigid structures and timetables, unexpected changes and transitions, and perceived loss of autonomy. Bucket emptiers that decrease anxiety include genuine autonomy and choice, calming sensory activities, authentic connection and trust, novelty and spontaneous engagement, low-demand environments, and equal relationships characterized by mutual respect.
The critical autonomy principle operates as a non-negotiable foundation: taking away autonomy increases anxiety and decreases demand tolerance, creating a destructive cycle where the learner becomes less capable of meeting expectations. Conversely, granting genuine autonomy reduces anxiety and increases capacity for learning and engagement. This principle suggests a direct correlation between anxiety levels and demand tolerance—when anxiety is low, demand tolerance is high and learning becomes accessible. When anxiety spikes, demand tolerance drops nearly to zero regardless of the task’s actual difficulty or importance. The educator’s role therefore transforms fundamentally from instruction delivery to trust and connection building, with learning following naturally as anxiety decreases.
Hypervigilance and Nonverbal Communication as Silent Triggers
Individuals with PDA experience hypervigilance and hypersensitivity that causes them to easily misinterpret emotions and detect the slightest emotional cues from adults. One helpful metaphor describes them as having “a smoke detector that is far, far too sensitive to the environment,” picking up on signals that neurotypical individuals would never notice or would dismiss as irrelevant background noise. This amplification effect means that 10% frustration on the educator’s part is perceived as 90% anger by the learner, subtle body tension signals significant anger, and minor schedule changes feel like catastrophic disruptions to safety and predictability.
This creates a critical challenge that educators must internalize: you cannot hide your emotional state from a PDA learner. Attempting to mask emotions or pretend to be fine when you’re actually upset, stressed, or frustrated backfires severely because the learner detects the deception immediately, trust is damaged, and they may worry they caused your distress—which increases their anxiety further and creates a vicious cycle. The only effective approach is radical emotional honesty paired with authentic modeling of regulation strategies.
Honesty becomes the optimal policy precisely because it bypasses the detection system that would otherwise trigger alarm. If you’re anxious, upset, or stressed, acknowledging it directly while modeling healthy coping mechanisms proves remarkably effective: “I’m feeling a bit stressed today. I had a difficult journey to work, so I’m going to take five minutes to breathe.” This approach demonstrates your authentic self and appropriate vulnerability, shows that all emotions are healthy and normal, models emotional regulation strategies in action, and removes the learner’s worry that they caused your upset.
Nonverbal communication communicates volumes to hypervigilant PDA learners, often more than actual words spoken. Anxiety-triggering signals include eye rolling or tight jaw, rushed movements and hurried pace, tense shoulders or crossed arms, forced smile or facial masking, frustrated sighs or heavy breathing. Trust-building signals include calm presence and relaxed posture, genuine interest and engaged listening, unhurried movement and natural pacing, authentic facial expressions, open body language and relaxed tone. The key insight is that these signals operate beneath conscious awareness for the educator but are processed consciously and intensely by the learner.
Masking and the “Coke Bottle Effect”
Children with PDA are highly proficient at masking, appearing “fine in school” while internally overcome with anxiety. They maintain well-behaved, compliant, happy facades to avoid looking different from peers, yet experience excruciatingly uncomfortable anxiety underneath the surface. The coke bottle analogy captures this dynamic vividly: imagine a bottle of fizzy drink shaken violently all day; when the lid is finally removed, it explodes spectacularly. To prevent explosion, the bottle must rest and settle completely before opening. Similarly, PDA learners need time to decompress at home without demands after being “shaken up” all day at school.
Masking can present in unexpected ways that educators might misinterpret as behavior problems rather than coping mechanisms. Some students appear arrogant or controlling, strutting around the playground like they own it as a way of asserting control in an environment that constantly threatens their autonomy. Others engage in singing or humming continuously—which is actually stimming for sensory regulation—or zone out and appear distracted, twiddle hair or fidget constantly, or demonstrate over-compliance without genuine engagement. These behaviors often represent attempts to manage overwhelming anxiety rather than intentional disruption or disrespect.
The home-school disconnect creates particular confusion for educators. The child may be masking so intensely that the entire cost is paid at home, where parents witness severe difficulties that seem completely inconsistent with school behavior. When educators hear reports of extreme struggles at home that seem impossible to reconcile with the calm, compliant student observed in class, this is not conflicting information or exaggeration—it is evidence of successful masking. The educator must listen to parents and trust their observations rather than dismissing reports because they don’t match the school presentation.
The Power of Choices and Autonomy
Offering carefully constructed choices gives learners essential autonomy and control while gently encouraging learning and engagement. The transformation from direct demands to choice-based language dramatically reduces perceived threat while maintaining forward momentum. Converting commands into choices might look like transforming “Sit down” into “Where would you like to sit?”, changing “Start your work” to “Would you like to work with me or have a go on your own?”, replacing “Stop talking” with “I wonder if we can work on this quietly for a few minutes?”, shifting “Line up now” to “Would you like to stand at the back of the line or near the front?”, or converting “Turn to page seven” to “Shall I find page seven or can you?”
The guidelines for effective choice implementation require careful attention to detail. Always offer exactly two choices to avoid overwhelming the learner or creating false choices where neither option is genuinely acceptable. Both options must be genuinely acceptable to you without reservation or hidden preference. Accept rejection of both options without frustration or persuasion, recognizing that the choice itself can sometimes be perceived as a demand. Never offer choices with predetermined “correct” answers, as PDA learners typically detect this manipulation immediately.
A particularly powerful choice framework involves offering time or support: “Would you like some time to work on this yourself, or would you like me to work on this with you?” This maintains autonomy while encouraging either independence and self-directed work or collaborative learning and shared exploration. The marketplace approach extends this principle to the entire learning environment, which should function like a market where stalls display eclectic, tempting items without pressure, learners browse at leisure and try things without committing, stall holders are friendly, passionate, and engage without pressure, and learners can “return” items or change their minds without judgment.
Learning Together, Shared Goals, and Wondering
Positioning yourself as a “learning facilitator” rather than traditional roles like teacher, tutor, or teaching assistant transforms the dynamic from hierarchical instruction to reciprocal learning and mutual exploration. This positioning emphasizes equality and shared discovery rather than top-down knowledge transmission. When assigning tasks, either do the same task simultaneously or share it collaboratively. This promotes genuine equality and makes demands seem smaller because they’re shared between equals rather than imposed from above.
Shared goals might involve genuine competition: “I bet I can finish this before you!” Working on the same puzzle or problem together, collaborating on creative projects with equal investment, or exploring topics through mutual curiosity and discovery all shift the dynamic away from compliance toward engagement. The key is that both educator and learner are genuinely invested in the outcome, neither is pretending interest they don’t feel, and the activity serves as a bridge for connection rather than a vehicle for instruction.
Using wondering language invites exploration without creating demand pressure. Phrases like “I wonder what that would look like if we did it that way?”, “I wonder what would happen if we tried this?”, or “I’m curious about how that works—shall we find out together?” must represent genuine questions where both you and the learner are discovering answers together. They cannot function as rhetorical devices disguising instructions, as PDA learners detect this manipulation instantly and respond with increased avoidance.
Adult PDA advocate Harry Thompson illustrates this power compellingly: a teacher who joined students in creative writing tasks and felt genuinely equal to them, investing in shared goals and mutual exploration, completely transformed his relationship to writing from paralyzed resistance to passionate engagement. In contrast, direct task assignment and traditional instruction triggered his anxiety-driven avoidance completely. Children with PDA are often autodidactic with vast knowledge and capability in areas of genuine interest. The educator’s role becomes facilitating access to resources, exploring interests together, and removing barriers rather than instructing or directing.
Weaving in Interests Without Hijacking Them
Using learner interests to increase the “What’s in it for me?” factor makes learning feel intrinsically valuable rather than externally imposed. However, PDA interests change rapidly and dramatically in ways that can frustrate educators accustomed to more stable special interests. One session a child discusses Star Wars enthusiastically with deep knowledge and passion; the next, they’re completely uninterested and want to discuss something entirely different. This transience requires particular caution about resource investment and planning.
Critical warnings about working with interests include avoiding heavy investment in customized resources around one specific interest because the focus will likely shift before those resources are used. More importantly, educators must avoid hijacking interests by using “their” special interest to force learning—this can poison their relationship to what they love. When one alternative provision presented all work linked to a student’s deeply loved Anime, she was mortified that “her” special interest was being used to force learning. The tainting of a beloved interest with demands and school work poisoned the relationship to that interest entirely.
Valuing all interests without judgment becomes essential, even when topics seem developmentally unusual or socially inappropriate from an adult perspective. All interests have intrinsic worth as vehicles for connection and learning. Natural learning integration often follows unexpected paths that lesson plans wouldn’t anticipate—learning about Guy Fawkes through toy re-enactment, understanding Persian carpet worms through child-led teaching, or exploring Henry VIII through a moment of behavioral escalation.
External motivation can emerge authentically rather than artificially. One 15-year-old had no motivation for GCSEs until staying with a mechanic family friend. Through observing actual mechanic work and learning that mechanics required qualifications for employment, an external “what’s in it for me?” motivation emerged naturally from understanding the real-world connection between effort and outcome.
Praise, Rewards, and Recognition
Traditional praise and reward systems often fail or backfire with PDA learners because they misunderstand fundamental aspects of how PDA individuals experience recognition and motivation. Praise proves problematic for several interconnected reasons. The learner sees themselves as your equal; praising them can feel patronizing, as if you’re positioning yourself above them in a hierarchy they don’t acknowledge or respect. Praising work completion can raise expectation anxiety about having to repeat that demand, creating pressure rather than celebration. Public attention increases anxiety by putting them “on the spot” and creating performance anxiety. One PDA individual responded to praise with “I am not a dog!”—capturing the sense that praise diminishes them rather than celebrates them.
Better approaches to recognition focus on reflective commentary rather than evaluative judgment. Comment on what you genuinely like about the work itself: “I love the colors in this picture—they make me feel happy.” Focus on specific aspects rather than general ability or effort. Let them overhear you genuinely talking about them positively to others, which feels more authentic than direct praise. Use humor-based recognition when connection is strong and rapport is established. Never praise attendance at school if they find it difficult, as this invalidates their genuine struggle.
Individualized and meaningful rewards differ dramatically from traditional systems. Traditional house points, certificates, and public behavior tracking systems cause anxiety because they create constant performance evaluation and social comparison. Effective reward examples include letting a child use accumulated minutes for timed laps around the playground, competing against their own times rather than others. Sharing accumulated minutes with friends to take them outside builds connection rather than isolation. Natural consequences work best: “You’ve worked hard on this task, and now you have time to play on the iPad.”
Natural consequences replace artificial systems like “Now/Next Boards” or “When you finish this, then you can do X”—which are perceived as threats and demands—with naturally occurring positive consequences that emerge from completing tasks. The key is that the reward flows organically from the activity rather than being imposed externally as behavioral control.
Reducing Pressure: Picking Your Battles
Continuously asking “How necessary is it that this demand is complied with?” and “Does this really matter?” helps reduce unnecessary pressure that triggers anxiety without serving essential purposes. Many demands cause unnecessary anxiety without serving any critical educational or developmental purpose. Questioning common school demands reveals how many exist primarily for convenience or tradition rather than necessity. Writing learning objectives themselves can be replaced with scribing. Attending assembly every time might not be essential. Getting changed for PE, saying “please and thank you” consistently, finishing every piece of work, and homework as a regular expectation all warrant examination rather than blind acceptance.
The homework case study illustrates this principle powerfully. Many children spend more time arguing about homework than it would take to complete it. One child expressed his experience vividly: “Being told to come off my X-Box and do homework is like having an ice-cream taken off me and having broccoli shoved in my mouth!” Children consistently report that “schoolwork is for school” and refuse to bring academic stress and demands home. Some become so anxious about homework consequences that they cannot return to school the following day, creating a direct connection between home-based demands and school refusal.
On days when anxiety is extremely high and demand tolerance is depleted, educators must embrace low-demand approaches. Focus entirely on maintaining relationships and connection. This is not failure or regression but rather strategic recognition of current capacity. Let the anxiety bucket rest so anxiety can evaporate naturally. Formal academic learning can resume when capacity returns. Forcing learning during high anxiety periods damages trust and connection while producing minimal actual educational gain.
Flexibility: Navigating Structure vs. Spontaneity
Harry Thompson describes “The PDA Flow State” as the trajectory through which one navigates toward authentic purpose or engagement. PDA learners are driven by this internal flow state—when demands take learners out of flow, anxiety increases dramatically and recovery becomes difficult. Unlike typical autism which requires structure and predictability, PDA learners require novelty, flexibility, and spontaneity. Rigid routines and timetables can be perceived as “silent” demands pulling learners away from their flow. However, unexpected changes can still cause anxiety, particularly if preventing enjoyable activities. Provide advance warning when possible and meaningful choices when changes are inevitable.
Practical flexibility examples include offering alternatives when changes are inevitable: “You could perform in the Christmas production, or help with sound backstage.” Or “You could race on Sports Day, or help time the runners.” Session flexibility requires being prepared to abandon plans entirely without guilt, accepting that finishing is not important, and keeping resources for future use because interests often reignite months later. The pirate example illustrates this principle: a tutor arrived in full pirate gear after planning pirate-themed learning, only to learn the student wanted nothing to do with pirates that day. Rather than insisting, the tutor stayed in character but followed the student’s lead entirely—the session succeeded through flexibility rather than preparation.
The paradox of structure for autistic individuals requires careful nuance. While traditional autism approaches emphasize visual schedules, predictable routines, and clear advance preparation, PDA learners often experience these very structures as demands that trigger avoidance. The key is distinguishing between structure that provides safety and structure that creates constraint. Flexible structure might involve broad parameters rather than detailed schedules, options rather than requirements, and invitations rather than expectations.
Empathy, Validation, and Understanding Behavior
There is no such thing as an “overreaction.” An individual’s reaction directly correlates to how they’re actually feeling; their internal experience is real and deserves respect regardless of whether the external trigger seems proportionate to neurotypical observers. The iceberg theory of behavior provides a useful framework: visible behavior represents only 10% of what’s actually happening, while unseen triggers drive the behavior underneath the surface. These unseen triggers include anxiety and sensory processing difficulties, social communication challenges, hormones, tiredness, hunger, transitions and unexpected changes, past trauma or negative experiences, and unmet needs for connection or control.
Identifying what need behavior fulfills transforms understanding. What appears as anxiety-related behavior may be seeking trust and reassurance. “Attention-seeking” behavior may actually seek genuine connection and relationship. Demand-avoidant behavior may seek control and autonomy. Aggressive behavior may seek space and protection. Reframing behavior as communication rather than defiance allows for more compassionate and effective responses.
Empathetic response strategies begin with showing genuine empathy: “I understand why you’re so angry. I think I would feel that way too if that happened to me.” Sharing similar experiences normalizes struggle: “I find fractions really tricky too. I’ve got this method that helps me.” Demonstrating understanding creates genuine equality rather than hierarchy. During high anxiety, learners need space—which may be communicated through running away or physically distancing, lashing out verbally or physically, or using language like “Leave me alone!” Respecting this need and allowing time to calm without further demands or conversation often proves more effective than immediate intervention.
Natural consequences replace punishment effectively. “Mrs Smith is upset because you hit her. She needs time to feel better, so she can’t help with LEGO right now.” Or “The other children didn’t want to play because they don’t like being told what to do. I’d like to play with you instead—what shall we do?” These responses maintain connection while acknowledging impact without shame or blame.
Language Choices and De-Escalation Strategies
Speaking to PDA learners as equals while avoiding direct instructions, commands, and demands forms the foundation of effective communication. Comprehensive language conversions transform demands into choices while maintaining forward momentum. Direct demands become choices: “Sit down” becomes “Where would you like to sit?” “Start your work” becomes “Would you like to work with me or have a go on your own?” “Stop talking” becomes “I wonder if we can work on this quietly?” “Line up now” becomes “Would you like to stand at the back or near the front?”
Subtle demands also require conversion. “It’s time to start work” becomes “Which task would you like to start on?” “Turn to page seven” becomes “Shall I find page seven or can you?” “We need to go to assembly” becomes “Would you like to go to assembly or help me in the classroom?” Think-aloud modeling demonstrates reasoning rather than directing behavior: “It’s looking a bit chilly. I’m going to put my coat on so I don’t waste break time coming inside to get it.” Or “I’m finding this tricky, so I’m going to try a different approach.”
Externalizing rules depersonalizes demands by shifting authority to external sources: “I know it’s really annoying that we can’t go outside, but the government/health and safety rules won’t let us.” Or “It’s the law, but I know it’s frustrating.” This removes anger from adults and directs frustration toward external sources beyond anyone’s control. A child angry about “Wet Break” was calmed by explaining government health and safety rules forbid outdoor play in rain—the external constraint was legitimate and understandable, making the restriction about safety rather than adult control.
Explaining “why” with facts rather than opinions helps PDA learners understand restrictions. “It’s dangerous” becomes an explanation of specific dangers and consequences. “You’re too young” connects to developmental readiness or external requirements rather than arbitrary adult decisions. The key is providing sufficient factual context that the restriction makes logical sense rather than appearing capricious.
Building Genuine Connections and Equal Relationships
Connections must be genuine and cannot be rushed. Trying to force connection or relationship-building is fundamentally ineffective; instead, let it develop naturally at its own organic pace. Equality serves as the foundation because PDA learners do not see age, hierarchy, or authority as neurotypical children typically do. One secondary student couldn’t understand why teachers got comfortable chairs while students sat on hard plastic ones, why teachers could shout at children but children couldn’t shout back—the inequality was fundamentally wrong and illogical from his perspective. Presenting yourself as an equal rather than an authority figure attempting to manage from a position of power transforms the dynamic completely.
Every PDA learner needs at least one safe person and one safe place to go when anxiety heightens. Safe people aren’t always traditional educational staff. The school caretaker who helps fix things and tinker, a family dog walker who listens during walks, a family friend with shared interests, or any adult who builds genuine, non-demanding relationship can serve this crucial function. Safe places might include quiet corners or sensory spaces, outdoor gardens or natural areas, libraries or resource rooms, or even just having one trusted adult nearby.
Investing time in connection building pays educational dividends. One infant school head teacher told staff she didn’t care if a Reception child picked up a pencil for the entire first year—their role was forming real connection and ensuring the child left school happy every day. By Year 2, the child was reading at eight-year-old level and writing beautifully. Spending time sitting and chatting about special interests is equally valuable as formal lessons and often more important.
The connection-trust-anxiety-demand tolerance cycle operates as the fundamental engine of education. Stronger connection leads to higher trust, which lowers anxiety, which increases demand tolerance, which creates potential for learning. This cycle compounds over time; small investments in connection create exponential returns in learning capacity. Breaking this cycle through demanding, controlling, or forcing compliance collapses learning potential regardless of instructional quality or curriculum rigor.
Humor and Depersonalization
Two essential characteristics for working with PDA learners: a good sense of humor and a thick skin. Children with PDA have wonderful, unique senses of humor and genuinely enjoy having a laugh—sometimes at your expense. Humor functions as a connection tool precisely because it operates as a great leveller. Since PDA learners don’t see authority or hierarchy the way neurotypical children do, you may become the butt of jokes or observations. Taking this gracefully matters because it’s not disrespect but rather an inability to see authority as sacred or protected.
Sharing humor demonstrates that you value the relationship more than demanding work or learning. It communicates that “It’s okay, there’s nothing too serious here; we can still have a laugh even when things get difficult.” The Jabba the Hutt example illustrates this principle beautifully: a tutor arrived to find a boy very distressed and shutdown. The boy pointed out something brown on the tutor’s jacket, asking “What is that?!” The tutor responded absurdly: “This is Jabba the Hutt’s poo…” The tension lifted instantly. They had a ridiculous conversation about Jabba being unable to wipe his own bottom and imagined jobs available in the galaxy for beings in similar situations. After laughing together, the session became productive.
Gauging appropriateness requires ensuring the learner never feels you’re laughing at them, particularly during high anxiety. The difference between shared humor and mockery is whether the learner feels connected to you or isolated from you. When connection is strong, humor becomes a powerful tool for de-escalation, relationship building, and making difficult moments manageable for both educator and learner.
Self-Care and Workplace Support
Working with PDA learners is rewarding but genuinely challenging and emotionally demanding. Sessions may meet refusal, silence, incomplete work, or indifference—it can feel frustrating, draining, flat, or deskilling. Educators must adapt and change to meet learner needs, pull creative ideas out of thin air under pressure, and respond to rejection without frustration. Any anxiety or frustration the educator feels will be picked up by the PDA learner’s hypervigilance and likely exaggerated in their perception. Your emotional regulation directly affects the learner’s anxiety level, making self-awareness and self-management essential professional tools rather than optional personal development.
It’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone supporting complex needs makes mistakes regularly. Reflect on what happened, learn from the experience, and improve practice going forward while role-modeling this reflective process with children. If you contributed to distress, acknowledge and apologize without making it a demand: “I’m sorry I didn’t understand what you were telling me. Next time I’ll try X or Y.”
Supporting colleagues matters immensely. One learning support assistant spent an entire day keeping a boy (arriving with a “full bucket” of anxiety) calm and safe in the playground, finding natural learning opportunities within that support. At day’s end he was happier and had learned much through their connection. Yet a colleague’s loaded comment—“Well, he’s not done much today, has he?”—completely disregarded and devalued her essential work maintaining connection and safety. Recognizing that keeping a high-anxiety learner calm, regulated, and connected is valuable work even without formal task completion and grades represents a crucial paradigm shift for workplace culture.
Collaboration: Working With Parents and Other Professionals
The most successful schools supporting PDA learners share a common denominator: fantastic, respectful, equal, collaborative approaches involving all education staff, other professionals, and parents as genuine partners. Valuing different expertise ensures comprehensive understanding. Teachers are experts in education, therapists and psychologists in their fields, and parents are experts in their own children. Parents observe their child in different contexts, see patterns across time, and understand what actually works and doesn’t work in their child’s unique situation.
Regular collaborative meetings with equal voice ensure all perspectives are valued and critical information isn’t missed. Success happens when everyone works together with the child’s needs and wellbeing at the heart of everything—not adult convenience, curriculum completion, or standard measures. The child is “the most important person in their own educational journey”; working together collaboratively makes their educational experience successful, not just compliant or measurable.
This collaborative approach might mean making significant adaptations from standard curriculum, personalizing approaches substantially, and accepting that traditional metrics don’t capture real learning and growth. What matters most is the child’s wellbeing, connection, and authentic engagement rather than measurable outcomes or standardized achievement. When all adults in the child’s life operate from this shared understanding and mutual respect, the anxiety that drives PDA decreases dramatically and the capacity for learning and growth increases accordingly.